It’s common for men and women to have platonic friendships. Even when you’re a man in a committed romantic relationship, you might have a female best friend. In fact, according to the May 2021 American Perspectives Survey, 54% of married men say they have a close friend who is a woman.
However, for this couple, the boyfriend’s female best friend was the catalyst for their breakup. After the woman was uninvited from a week-long vacation so that her boyfriend could go on holiday with his female bestie, she had had enough. “I am not happy in this, and I do not want to feel these feelings any longer,” she wrote in a revealing email she sent to her BF.
A couple was supposed to go on a trip with the BF’s two friends
Image credits: Blue Bird / Pexels (not the actual photo)
But when one friend backed out, the BF disinvited his own GF so he could go on vacation with his female best friend
Image credits: Antoni Shkraba Studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Polina Tankilevitch / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: August de Richelieu / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: jesustunafish
People believe in platonic friendship between men and women, but research shows that attraction still creates tension
Some people are skeptical of platonic relationships. When your partner has a friend of the opposite gender, feelings of jealousy can quickly start creeping in. And it’s understandable: if there are no clear boundaries about what’s acceptable for the partner and what’s not, a relationship can end like the one in this story did.
Generally, the majority of adults think that men and women can be platonic friends. According to a 2021 YouGov survey, 84% of Britons believe in platonic relationships between people of the opposite gender. Generally, men tend to have a bigger portion (36%) of male and female friends. Women, on the other hand, are less likely (27%) to have an equal number of men and women as friends.
One of the most common worries for people like the woman in this story is that platonic friendships evolve over time and romantic feelings can develop. After all, research shows that many romantic relationships start off as friendships. In fact, two-thirds of couples start out as friends, according to research.
But can a friendship between a man and a woman remain platonic? And can they go on vacations together, leaving their significant others at home, especially when the vacation is to a honeymoon destination like Costa Rica?
Some research suggests that they cannot. Despite drawing the line at platonic friendship, sometimes men and women can’t help feeling attraction. In a 2000 study at Pennsylvania State University, researchers found that half of the 315 surveyed students had engaged in physical intimacy with their platonic friends. However, in another 2003 study, only 14% of the respondents admitted to feeling romantic attraction to their platonic friends.
Friendships with the opposite gender are useful for both men and women
Having a lifelong friend who is of the opposite gender can teach a person a lot about life. Certified intimacy therapist Heather Shannon, LCPC, CST, explains that such friendships offer us different viewpoints.
“They can get dating advice, help with family members who are driving them nuts, or just reminders of things they’re not considering when it comes to other genders,” Shannon says. “Having a sounding board who may know more than you about a man’s or woman’s perspective, can be a lifesaver.”
Platonic friendships with the other gender also help us to be less sexist. Research by Oxford University’s David Kretschmer looked at how socializing with girls affected German teens from largely immigrant backgrounds. After a year of socializing, the boys became more egalitarian, learning to respect the girls’ demands for equality. However, Kretschmer theorizes that the boys changed their opinions because it would earn them the possibility of being in a romantic relationship with the girls.
Some experts even go as far as to advocate against separating children for playtime in preschool according to gendered activities. They claim that this forces boys and girls to socialize with the kids of their gender mostly, planting the seed of the idea that girls can only be best friends with girls and boys can only be best friends with boys.
“What kind of boyfriend disinvites his girlfriend from a trip?” people wondered in the comments
Sadly, some commenters have had similar experiences with their significant others
After the boyfriend left for his flight, the woman wrote him a lengthy breakup email
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ron Lach / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: jesustunafish