According to a recent survey, 78% of Americans who have used a dating app in the past year feel tired of it at least sometimes. Interestingly, women (80%) are more likely to experience this burnout than men (74%).
So, we decided to take a look at the subreddit r/OnlineDating, a place where singles come to share their experiences and the things they’ve learned along the way. As the saying goes, smart people learn from their own mistakes, and wise people learn from the mistakes of others.
Read More: Online Dating Is Not Easy, And People Shared 50 Things To Do Or Avoid Doing
#1
If you are in a dark place mentally, please get off online dating.
I’m in tears as I type this. A good friend of mine just took his life and in the note he left behind he mentioned how he struggled to find someone and many other things.
I remember him also complaining about ghosting and all the toxic stuff we all deal with it.
To anyone struggling, please delete all dating apps because they are very bad for your mental health and might make things worse.
I’m sorry I just wanted to vent, I’m heartbroken. This has really gone too far.
Image credits: AMG-Life
#2
Just a reminder that it is not your job to entertain the other person. Find someone who matches your energy. There’s no reason to put in more effort than the other person.
I had to remind myself of this today, and I felt like someone else could benefit from the reminder too.
When we’re attracted to someone or like certain things about them, we often give it our all. We put our best foot forward. Find someone else who matches that same energy and effort. If you’re always the one initiating texts, always the one asking questions, etc., they’re not worth your time.
Image credits: anon
#3
Don’t play stupid games like waiting 3 days to ask her out again or purposely not responding to her text messages trying to look kool. If you’re interested, it’s okay to be interested.
Image credits: Everlast23
#4
Please don’t ghost someone…
When you ghost someone after meeting them in real life, it could really break their heart. It doesn’t matter if it was just one, a few, or several dates. Please just tell them it’s not working if they’ve been trying to reach out to you. Don’t just ignore or give them the silent treatment. They’re humans too. I know some will say you don’t owe anyone anything but at least be a decent person and tell them once and then let them move on. Please.
Image credits: enigma_goth
#5
Height requirements
I’m 6’2” I have swiped on several women with the height requirement in their bio. My favorite so far has been one bio that said “no pocket men” I can tell you that every single one of them has been dry or mean with no personality or real interests. Having a preference is fine but no need to be rude about it. Now if I see the height requirement in a bio it’s an automatic swipe left. Y’all are not missing a single thing with these women. I stand in solidarity with the short kings.
Image credits: tyler_chard
#6
“I deleted my profile for you”
A little PSA:
I’m a 28 year old woman and every now and again, I’ll get a man who tells me they deleted their dating profile for me BEFORE we even meet in person.
This is not cute. This is not endearing.
It’s suffocating.
We aren’t exclusive. We haven’t even met.
DO. NOT. DO. THIS.
Image credits: anon
#7
Don’t lie about anything important and answer questions honestly. Relationships are built on trust. Being in between jobs and living at home with parents may be unattractive to some women, but lying about it will definitely make you unattractive to all women. No one wants to kiss someone they don’t trust.
Image credits: Everlast23
#8
My best advice: Please stop posting pictures of your kids on dating apps.
I don’t know when or why this started, but it’s really disturbing. Please stop posing pictures of your children on random dating apps. I’m not going to choose to date you because of what your kids look like. They are too young to have a choice in the matter. and I guarantee you that when they get older they will be horrified to know their mother posted pictures of them for all the crazy eyes to see.
Image credits: darkmauveshore
#9
Please stop uploading photos with those stupid animal face filters. You look ridiculous.
I’m sure this has been discussed before, but nothing makes me swipe left faster than a grown woman posting a picture on a dating app with that dog filter or bear filter. Especially if it’s the first picture on your profile.
To me it suggests that you are insecure about your appearance or feel the need to cover something up on your face.
Does this actually work on anyone? Why is this such a huge trend?
Image credits: Jhurpess
#10
Men, please don’t hide your geeky side.
I joined Hinge recently (F-mid30s). I have noticed some men completely hide some of their geeky/traditionally “nerdy” hobbies and interests and it only comes up in conversation after they message me.
I’m looking for something serious and my ideal person is someone I can casually play Nintendo games with, or go watch a Ghibli Fest show together. I actually look for these things when scanning profiles!
Even if you don’t expect to have these hobbies in common with your person, why wouldn’t you at least mention it in your hobbies/typical Sunday prompt if it is in fact a hobby of yours?
Image credits: AlmohadaGris
#11
Be who you want to be, no matter what you personally believe it will cost
You deserve to find someone as quirky and dorky as you are, you massive nerd. Someone who’s okay with you knitting in your recliner while pizza rolls are cooking in the air fryer. Always be YOU at all costs.
Image credits: Totally-Not-Ratcliff
#12
Your profile should not be a hate letter to your ex.
I’ve seen way too many people write paragraphs about their broken heart, “opinions” about other people’s intentions on dating apps, what they aren’t looking for, etc. I don’t think this really attracts anyone.
I suggest instead to say what you ARE looking for. Remember that not every single person is looking for exactly what you are, and that is okay. Show case the wonderful person you are with your interests & hobbies. And most importantly, seriously consider if you’re even ready to date. If you’re not over your ex or can’t respect that someone else on dating apps may not have the same intentions as you, that’s a huge red flag.
Image credits: tryinsohard123
#13
Have a good first date spot that you know very well. This allows you to lead the way. I know where to park, what to recommend and different places nearby we can relocate to if the date is going well.
Image credits: AudaciousPanther
#14
Get good at soft eye contact. Your eyes are prettier than you think.
Image credits: Everlast23
#15
Keep a journal to reflect on your experiences.
Image credits: Everlast23
#16
Most first dates go no where. Don’t take it personally.
Image credits: Everlast23
#17
If you do get rejected, it’s okay to nicely ask why. It’s rare to get honest closure, but it’s amazing when you do.
Image credits: Everlast23
#18
Get good at reading body language and signals. Women make moves too like getting really close to you, lingering by your car at the end of the date, giving you the eyes / whatever.
Image credits: AudaciousPanther
#19
Don’t forget a bio with interesting opening line. leave out cliches. or at least don’t have them in the opening line.
Image credits: dunisacaunona
#20
Emotional self-awareness is important. This doesn’t just mean know yourself well. It means accepting that someone might actually just be busy. That traffic happens, and not everything has to be someone’s fault. Get into that mindset and you’ll have a light and welcoming attitude, and emotional intelligence is sadly too rare in people.
Image credits: ExpendableUnit123
#21
If you hide or severely misrepresent your body on your profile, and get ghosted after your first date…it’s on you.
I bet a lot of people don’t even know that’s what their problem is.
Image credits: throwawayy60932
#22
Guys, if your profile has photos of you in sunglasses, great, but can you at least include some without?
So many guys have photos of them only in sunglasses. I saw a profile with 5 straight photos like that, and not one showing his eyes. I tried swiping right on a few of them and always ended up being disappointed when I asked them for a photo showing their eyes because either A) they didn’t want to send one or were like, “ok send me some photos first” (🤮) or B) they didn’t look as good without the sunglasses. So I just swipe left on them now.. Please don’t waste each other’s times… just put your full face on your profile!
Image credits: EndoplasmicRetikulum
#23
If you have a kid PLEASE Mention it in your profile.
I know, it can seem like that stacks the deck against you, whether you are a man or woman, but if you are looking to build something with anyone they need to know your life. Speaking as a person who is not at that point in my life yet, that is something I feel I would need to know from the get go when building hopes for a future with anyone. And confronting the feelings of guilt that come from the revelation does no one any good at all.
It is hard. But it is your life and you can be honest about it
Image credits: mutantandproud95
#24
The goal of dating should be personal growth, learning about life and having fun. It’s good to be outcome independent keeping things in perspective. I feel like the first 2 months of dating someone new is completely unstable. Especially with dating apps.
My mindset of dating now is: “I’m going to enjoy my time with this person: the food, convo, sunset, whatever. If I never see them ever again, it’s totally okay.” “I hope I like her” instead of I hope she likes me.
Image credits: Everlast23
#25
Dating is a lot like poker: some of it is skill and some of it is out of your hands.
Image credits: Everlast23
#26
For dudes, online dating is a lot like applying for a job.
A hypothetical 6 month search:
10000 swipes (applications) 100 matches (screening interview) 15 responses/convos (telephone interview) 3 first dates (1st in person interview) 1 second date (second interview)
…and finally, if you’re lucky
A girlfriend (a job offer)
Image credits: Reeder90
#27
Physical attraction is very important. More important than most people are comfortable admitting, so my best advice is to make yourself handsome. A lot of looking handsome is simply looking healthy:
– Have a haircut that compliments your face well.
– Good skin care. I use hydrating masks from Facetory on amazon that work well.
– Find an exercise routine you enjoy doing and make it your hobby.
– Be well-groomed and wear clothes that fit you well. Wear an accessory too, like a bracelet or something.
Image credits: AudaciousPanther
#28
Don’t ask to kiss. But make the first one simple and sweet. Be sure she’s into you and wanting to see you again first though.
Image credits: Busy-oneforever9999
#29
“Oops, I accidentally put 30 as my age. I’m really 56. Looking for love.” Honestly guys: Do you expect this to work?
It’s so frustrating when you see a decent profile, and then at the bottom they’re like oops sorry, can’t change it but I’m really 25 years OLDER than I said I am!
The photos are always far away shots too, so we can’t see the wrinkles.
Image credits: TooEmbarrassed7
#30
If you get a match, the rule of thumb is basic ice breaking chit chat and ask her out on a date. If you wait too long, she’ll stop responding.
Image credits: Everlast23
#31
Put in the effort you want to see.
Filling a bio with “Just ask”, a string of emoticons, or a solitary period won’t give me reason to put forward the effort you want. Fill out the profile. Don’t put in zero effort and expect to get someone who picks up the slack. Profiles like this make me think the dating dynamic will be the same, me putting in all the work while you do little to nothing but expect everything. This also goes for statements of “I won’t message first”.
Image credits: pakidara
#32
More of you, less of your kids and pets – This is your profile. Not your cat’s, dog’s, or children’s. You should be the focus of every field. On a side note, have more solo pics than anything else. If every picture is of you and the same 2 friends, we won’t know who is who.
Image credits: pakidara
#33
She’s probably nervous and she’s rooting for you.
Image credits: Everlast23
#34
If a woman likes you, she’ll give you a small window of time to make something happen. It’s your job as a man to drive it in a romantic direction. If you go on a few dates with her treating her like a friend, you’re going to be a friend zoned which there is no coming back from. I assume by default that she’s having a good time (assuming she looks like she is). This then gives me the confidence to kiss her goodbye.
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Image credits: Everlast23