It’s easy to have rose-colored glasses on at the start of a new relationship. You may be optimistic about the possibility of falling in love, and everything your new partner does probably seems charming at first. He always opens the door for me! Or she always surprises me with a sweet treat when I come over! But it’s important to notice the not-so-great aspects of your relationship as well, or you might find yourself filled with regret in the future.
Redditors have recently been discussing red flags that they wish they hadn’t ignored in previous, toxic relationships, so we’ve gathered some of their thoughts below. Keep reading to also find a conversation with Relationship Therapist and Life Coach Nia Williams, and be sure to upvote the replies that resonate with you!Read More: Toxic Relationships That Could Have Been Avoided Had People Not Ignored These 30 Red Flags
#1
She never was wrong, nor did she apologize. She would say that I was yelling (when I wasn’t). She would say I had said hurtful things and that I “don’t even realize what I’m saying”.
I ended up seeing a psychiatrist at her suggestion and was put on medication for 7 years (still together with her). I then was hospitalized on psychiatric hold when I mentioned to my psychiatrist that I felt like ending it all because clearly I was hurting someone I loved emotionally and never realized it.
When I got out, someone mentioned I was being gaslit.
We broke up 7 years ago and I am no longer on medication and in a happy relationship with a beautiful son.
I feel like a fool for not realizing that she was doing that.
Sharing this is an embarrassment, I might end up deleting it. I’m just keeping it here in hopes that it might help someone.
Edit: *I always thought I was alone until today. I am overwhelmed. Thank you for all the kind words and I do have quite a few DMs to respond to, so please bear with me. If my experience sounds familiar, please seek support from someone outside of your relationship and unbiased to your situation. You’re not crazy and it’s not always your fault.*.
Image credits: squambish
#2
Negative negative negative. There was not one positive comment when he came home most days. It was everyone else’s fault but him. Edit: I left him two weeks ago. Air mattress but me and the kitties are safe.
Image credits: weareallmadherealice
#3
When I realised how excited I was for the days when he was at work, and I was at home. Only happened a few times a week. But I should have realised the change in my energy and mood the moment I heard the car pull up.
Image credits: Phoebus_Apollo_30
#4
Critiquing my proudest achievements or appearance. Then instantly love-bombing me the day afterwards.
The contrast you get from feeling so low to feeling so high feels INCREDIBLE, and that’s what makes this type of situation dangerous.
Edit: I’m happy to see that this comment is picking up steam, and that it might either serve as a warning to those in the dating scene or a call to action to leave such a relationship if there’s no signs of hope.
Image credits: ProfessorGigs
#5
The first punch to the face. Thought it was normal for girls to do that when upset. Only took me 8 years to understand it wasn’t ok.
Image credits: daTKM
#6
He was an influencer and posted a video montage of our camping trip that didn’t show any evidence that I was there, it looked like he’d gone camping alone. I had planned the whole thing, driven the whole time, and prepared all the food.
Image credits: bluecheeseaficionado
#7
Not being able to figure out what I did to make him mad. It was unavoidable.
Image credits: a_n_g_e_l_a_n_d_i_a
#8
The constant ‘jokes’ that were actually just hurtful comments disguised as humor. Brushing them off early on set the tone for disrespect to be normalized.
Image credits: mrss_ann
#9
How they talk about the people in their life. Avoid people who blame others for their life. If you don’t, you’re going to be the next one in the receiving end of that blame.
Image credits: Low-Willingness-2301
#10
If your significant other wants to limit your interactions with ANYONE OR ANYTHING, run. Please. Run away from that.
Your partner should want to experience life WITH you, which includes experiencing HOW you live and interact with everything. You have your own life, and it has to involve more than only one other person.
Image credits: zinic53000
#11
Making changes to myself to suit my partner’s wants and moods without any regard to whether they were positively or negatively impacting my life.
Image credits: Van_Helsing_24
#12
She was always angry with me about something. Some way that she felt mistreated, unseen, etc. It was so consistent that I realized it had nothing to do with me. She just needed someone to be the target of her anger, and I wasn’t interested in being that someone. We were young. Hope she’s doing better now.
Image credits: lyingliar
#13
When I told her “Sometimes it seems like you don’t care about how I feel, you just want what you want” and she started crying and yelling instead of taking about things. .
Image credits: CleanWholesomePhun
#14
“All my exes are narcissists,” she said to me early on…
Felt like that was perhaps bad luck for her? Turns out it was most likely her being the narcissist in her past relationships, based on what I experienced. Taught me what to look out for and avoid, so wasn’t a complete all for nothing situation.
Image credits: HerrAdventure
#15
Disrespect and they weren’t willing to discuss issues openly or listen to my feelings.
Image credits: Elira_Ender_20
#16
Aggressive or emphatic reactions to truly benign things. If you notice they can’t keep their cool for absolute non-problems, real problems will have them blowing their gaskets.
Image credits: LegendaryUser
#17
I wasn’t “mature for my age.”
He was just a predator.
Image credits: annarae22
#18
He held me by the neck against the bar and screamed in my ear because I waved hello to a male coworker from across the restaurant
Image credits: not-bridgette
#19
His love of throwing furniture when he was mad.
Image credits: Autumn_Fyre
#20
He got mad over something trivial because he was overwhelmed, and he punched the wall and, for lack of a better word, roared. 15 years later I was living in a DV shelter with our two sons.
Image credits: Shytemagnet
#21
Not apologising. Ever. I either had to accept she was right or “get over it”.
Image credits: doitwithbrokenheart
#22
I was always put on the back burner.
She never put me first, and always seemed to care more about other people’s problems and feelings way more than mine.
Image credits: Relevant-Soup-2152
#23
She was super sweet for the first 4-6 months, by then she had her hooks in me and her true narcissistic self began to emerge. Man if I had split right there, I would’ve saved myself sooooo much pain and misery.
Image credits: ResponseNo6375
#24
Telling me he loved me within two weeks of meeting me. Full love-bombing. He turned out to be a massive manipulator, who put me through hell. The 2.5 years I spent with him (1.5 of those wanting to leave) are the only I’ve ever regretted.
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Image credits: WaterFireCat