The workload of police officers differs from city to city and country to country. But there’s one thing in common that most of them have: a lot of calls. Experts in the UK estimate that on average, police forces receive a 999 call every three seconds. In Chicago, the police department gets about 3,500 dispatched calls a day.

These numbers might send you into a panic, thinking that crime is getting out of control. But a big portion of these calls are not as serious as we might think. Turns out, people decide to call the police even for minor inconveniences.

Police officers have some good stories about people seriously misjudging the gravity of their situation. We’ve gathered the best stories from two Reddit threads and present them to you here for entertainment and educational purposes.

#1

I heard a 911 call where an old woman called the police because she couldn’t open a jar. The woman actually sent the police to help.

Image credits: My-Name-Isnt-Earl

#2

Working front desk at a hotel. Buddy called 911 on me because I wouldn’t give him a free upgrade.

Image credits: Finnabair

#3

Lady called because a cat was in her yard. Not attacking anybody or anything like that. It was just in her yard. Even better is that we had to do a report every time we responded to a call, even if no citations were issued. So in my report, I put a cat as the suspect and a calico as its race.

Image credits: machine_gun_murphy

#4

Reporting party said a pigeon was acting strangely on her deck. It wouldn’t fly away. It flew away when I clapped my hands.

Also had a call for two people riding bikes smiling suspiciously.

Image credits: anon

#5

A friend of mine who is a police dispatcher said a woman called the police because her teenager took the rest of the doritos from the cupboard and wouldn’t put them back.

Image credits: anon

#6

We received a call because a guy had hemorrhoids and wanted someone to apply Preparation H for him.

Image credits: yeoxnuuq

#7

Hello 911, McDonald’s put onions on my burger.

Image credits: anon

#8

I was dispatched to a woman’s house to turn up the heat once. She was able to do it herself but she didn’t want to miss Jerry Springer. This actually happened.

Image credits: enraged768

#9

I was dispatched to a house reference a reported vandalism to a vehicle. When I got there, the guy who called was standing by his car. I saw that there was no visible damage to the vehicle. His complaint was that dust picked by the wind was coming from his neighbors yard and landing on his car.

The guy actually wanted to file a criminal complaint! My first thought was maybe I was dreaming this nonsense. All I could do in response was stare at him and I said absolutely nothing. The guy became uncomfortable and explained his complaint again. I couldn’t help but just stare at him. At the time, I didn’t think I could say anything to him that didn’t sound insulting. I think he finally got it since he just went inside his house and never called us again.

Image credits: skepticop

#10

Worked for the local newspaper and we got to read all the calls to the cops.

The most hilarious one was from a woman who called in to report a man driving around in his van playing loud music and luring kids. When the cops showed up it was ice cream man. I wish I was making this up. Some people are just nosey busy bodies.

Image credits: madmanmason

#11

A woman called 911 at 5am to report her son would not get up to wash the dishes.

She went to jail.

Edit: Many are asking why she went to jail. Misuse of 911 is a crime in my jurisdiction. One’s child not doing the dishes is not a valid use of 911 services.

Image credits: anon

#12

Had an elderly frequent-caller report trespassing. I show up and don’t see anyone around but her. She said mosquitoes were landing on the neighbor’s dog droppings. She distressingly explained how the mosquitoes would then fly over the fence onto her property.

Image credits: quebec2

#13

A guy called because his son ate all his Ritz crackers. The son said the only reason he did it is that his dad will buy entire cartons of Oreo’s and not share.

Image credits: Mooney910

#14

Domestic dispute call –
We got there and the mother of a teenage boy, maybe fourteen, is loud and upset. Her problem was described as, “He’s interested in GIRLS!”
Oddly enough, it happens around that age.
Not a thing I could do about that one.

Image credits: IanRG

#15

A stolen TV remote.

Fyi, it wasn’t stolen just fell between the couch cushions.

Image credits: anon

#16

Not a cop but work for the police dept. Got a call from a man that someone vandalized his snowman.

Image credits: jwagg82

#17

Tecnically i didn’t respond, but:

911 hangup. Upon recall a small child answered and advised there was a spider in his house.

Officer that responded advised over the radio “the intruder has been neutralized.”

I lost it.

Image credits: r_kay

#18

A domestic abuse call, guy playing GTA 5 was severely pissed his wife wouldn’t stop chasing him down and killing him IN GAME. His wife was bigger than him or i’m sure it would have been the real deal.

Image credits: TheNotoriousBJ

#19

My neighbour’s sprinkler is on and it’s getting MY lawn wet….. I wish I was kidding.

Image credits: Maverik22

#20

My friend had to respond to a “noise complaint” of some “young suspicious African Americans” playing Basketball in their culdasac, they were staying out of trouble and just enjoying themselves. It was like 5pm, he showed up with his partner and they ended up playing a pickup game in full uniform with the boys. It made the local news.

Image credits: anon

#21

I had a cat who used to do s**t like turn on the washing machine, turn on faucets, and when the answering machine would come on he would attack the phone. One day I found the phone in my sisters bedroom off the hook, didn’t think anything about it and hung it up. Fast forward about 10 minutes and I see a sheriff’s deputy in our backyard looking through the windows. My mom and I went to the door, and he kept asking us if everything was ok. We assured him we were and said the cat probably dialed 911. He kept saying if we were in trouble there were signals we could give him to let him know. I can only imagine what he was thinking about the possibility of a cat dialing 911. We invited him in to let him look around for himself; eventually he had a good laugh.

Image credits: Mr_MacGrubber

#22

I was a dispatcher and heard a call go over the radio for an elderly woman that called the police because she took too many laxatives. She wanted police to bring her cheese so she could stop popping.

Image credits: gotanychangee

#23

So many…

A woman found a half eaten sandwich in her unfenced back yard. She thinks someone threw it there to poison her dog. She saved the sandwich and wanted us to test it for poison.

A man called because his trampoline was blowing away in a wind storm.

One woman called because someone “stole” her american flag from her front yard. One of those little tiny yard flags that are about 1 foot tall and plant in your grass. She called the morning after a particularly bad and windy thunderstorm. I had to explain to her that it’s much more likely that the flag blew away then someone maliciously stole a 50 cent flag. I then found in a nearby sewer drain.

“My dog is acting strange, can you send a police officer?” happens more than you’d think.

My favorite is people who call in because people are driving too fast through the neighborhoods. So we go out there and run radar. 9 times out of 10, the person caught speeding is the person who called in the complaint to begin with.

Image credits: anoncop1

#24

Officer here been working two years in a large city. The first call that truly made me question my job choice was a disturbance between a husband and wife. Officers had been out in the house earlier in the day and the wife called 911 a second time. The wife called and said she and her husband were arguing because she wanted to have s*x but he refused because her v****a stunk. It is difficult to remain professional.

Image credits: Thinbluepig

#25

Not me but my sister once had to attend to a woman who was going mad because someone stole her snowman from her front garden.

Image credits: thenand

#26

We get these a couple times a week.

“My child won’t ______”

Brush teeth
Go to school
Clean room
Do homework
Get out of bed

Yup… Livin’ the dream.

Image credits: lost098

#27

I have a family friend that works for 911 dispatch and her favorite call was when a guy called in because he got his balls caught in his jean’s zipper. He thought he was going to die and kept crying on the line.

Image credits: El_Pinguino_Grande

#28

I’m a mailman. I had the cops called on me because I “meowed” at a guys dog. Police Officer actually came.

Image credits: Aquaman73

#29

Blades of grass in the street. Apparently it’s a local ordinance that landscapers are supposed to pick up mulched grass after they cut it. Well they didn’t and Mr Johnson called about his neighbor because they were in the street.

Image credits: anon

#30

I called 911 to report a dog dressed like a vampire sprinting circles in an intersection.

Image credits: Astrochef12

#31

My sister called the cops on me when we were kids because I was mean to her. I was babysitting her and she wouldn’t leave my room, literally like protesting and wouldnt get off my bed. So I gave her a dead leg and she stormed off crying. Like 10 minutes later she comes in running begging for my forgiveness. Cops rang the doorbell a couple minutes later. The cops, my mother, and I were not amused.

#32

Best friend of mine is a State Trooper. They have this little old lonely lady that calls and tells the dispatcher that there are aliens/demons in her house and needs help. When the Troopers respond they check the house and sometimes yell that what ever is there has to leave. For this service she gives them a huge box of cookies. They bicker with each other as to who gets to go that day. This happens at least twice a month.

#33

Family dispute call the day after thanksgiving. One party was mad at the other party because there was no leftover ham.

#34

Frequent caller, older woman. Nice enough, lost her marbles years ago.

Calls about a ghost in her attic (not the first time this week)

Deputy asks the woman for a mason jar, then heads upstairs to “battle” the ghost. He lights up a cigarette, takes a couple of puffs into the jar and runs out of the house shouting “IVE GOT HIM TRAPPED, STAY BACK!!”

We release the ghost to his own recognizance, and the lady hasn’t called since.

#35

Not a police officer but I was a 911 dispatcher.

Just after I got cut loose from training, I received a priority one (meaning immediate response) animal ordinance call. Usually, this call is reserved for animals in traffic or vicious animals, where there is the potential for immediate threat to life.

The reporting party was a parent attending a school function. Caller advised there was a raccoon loose in the school.

I dispatched two officers to the call and they made it on scene. The officer then broadcasts the “suspect” description via radio. “Suspect is small, fast, and wearing a bandit mask. May have robbed a couple of trash cans. We lost him in a foot pursuit.”

I almost fell out of my chair, I was laughing so hard. 😂.

#36

Not the cop, but my dad is. One time a s****y guy in our town (kinda known for his shittiness), called 911 because someone had poured ranch dressing on his car in the Walmart parking lot.

#37

Not a police officer myself, but my father used to be an Alderman for the area I lived in (imagine the city version of the US Senate). He made sure to be on good terms with the police so they’d call him about anything going on in the neighborhood.

One day, there was a particularly interesting call. There was a call for an armed robbery at a corner store. From one of the robbers. Apparently, two friends decided to go in on it together, and one decided that splitting the money is clearly not as profitable as just having it all to himself. He robbed his friend and ran off with all the money. The friend called the police, got arrested for robbery, and was surprised he wasn’t going to be getting his half of the money after all.

#38

Well we did have a cruiser show up to my house because my 7yo brother called them when he got too scared of jeepers creepers the movie.

#39

When I was a little kid, my dad called he police on “a man with a gun outside our house.

We lived in the middle-of-nowhere, Georgia and he was off deployment (Navy, if anyone’s curious.) and it was pretty late, so the sun had died down and it was pitch-black.

My dad went into the kitchen and took his glasses off to clean them (very important, my dad is nearly blind). He looked out of the kitchen window towards the neighbor’s house and saw the shadow of a “man” with a shotgun standing in front of his barn.

Instead of assessing the situation for a moment or putting his glasses on to verify, he immediately calls 9-1-1 and proceeds to tell them about the “mystery shotgun man” at the neighbor’s house.

They pull up and he sees them walk around to the back of the barn, turn around and go into the neighbor’s house and come back outside. He see’s them handcuff the man and they proceed to walk towards our house instead of their cars.

At this point, he puts his glasses on and goes to the door. The police knock and he opens the door with the biggest s**t-eating grin I’ve ever seen in my life. In a split second it changed from happy to sad to confused to annoyed back to confused as he stares at two police officers and a scarecrow in handcuffs.

The officers had quickly discovered the “man was a scarecrow, went to the neighbor’s house, explained the situation and asked if they could borrow the scarecrow and put cuffs on it.

The only words from the officers were

“No need to worry anymore sir, this man’s goin away for a long time”.

#40

Not me but my friend called child protective services when she was 8 because her mom took away her cosmic brownie. She was a pretty fat kid.

#41

My aunt called 911 once to have the officers change the direction a fan was blowing. She was having a dispute with my uncle and he wouldn’t change it for her.

#42

My dad in the early 80’s was high as s**t and called the cops to report that his neighbor stole his pot.

#43

Responded to the outside of the county jail one time (L.A. County Twin Towers) and had to actually fight a guy trying to climb the fence *into* the jail. This may not sound like much until you realize we had to fight a guy in order to prevent him from entering the jail, then drive around the back and put him in jail. L.A. is f*****g weird.

#44

I once called the police because there were hundreds of thousands of maggots covering a huge parking lot and I was convinced there was a body in the nearby dumpster causing the infestation.

I might have been drinking a bunch.

#45

Soon to be police officer here. When i was doing an internship with the local sheriff’s office, I was with one deputy and we got called out on a domestic disturbance.

Before we could get there a city police officer intercepted the call and took it, since it was just outside city limits and we were still 15 minutes away. So we continued to patrol the county when the same people called again, specifically asking for a deputy to come out to the scene.

We get there and right off the bat this woman is going on about how when the city police officer he was very rude to her and she wanted us to go arrest him and have him fired for “unpolicemanlike conduct” .(i’m not joking) I had to turn away to keep from laughing in this woman’s face.

She was very angry because he allegedly said the word “f**k” in front of her daughter (keep in mind this woman was using the word f**k three or four times in each sentence). We pretty much told her that our department doesn’t police other departments and that she should contact the chief of police and make a formal complaint. This did not sit well with her and she told us we needed to leave before she called the cops. (again, not joking) At this point the guy i was with couldn’t take it anymore and told the woman that he was arresting himself and taking himself “downtown” and we left trying not to bust out laughing.

If everything goes right i will have some more stories once i get hired by the sheriff’s office.

#46

There was a lady that called the cops on a homeless shelter because they wouldn’t let her turn the dorm into a sauna (said she was freezing, but refused blankets, wanted to use a fire hazard space heater). Cops came, saw the dorm was over 65 F, and told her that it wasn’t an emergency and left.

#47

Once a lady called us claiming that her neighbor was threatening her. As it turned out, she claimed that her neighbor was plotting a terrorist attack. How did she figure this out? She had been going up onto his property and looking into her Middle Eastern neighbor’s windows and noticed he had a prayer rug in the middle of the room/said he worked odd hours.

She was given a stern warning about trespassing onto her neighbor’s property and told to stop being such a racist t**t.

#48

Once responded to a call originating in the Sheriff’s department parking lot. Literally walked out of the doors into the following fustercluck. A woman who had just gotten released from jail’s ex girlfriend came to pick her up, drunk, on a moped. The reason it got reported is that the drunk woman was doing donuts in our parking lot waiting for her ex, lost control, and rammed a police car. My training sergeant always had a saying that ran true that day, “We don’t catch the smart ones.”

#49

I’m not a cop, but a few years ago when I was moving into a house I was doing most of my moving late at night. The nosy old couple across the street kept calling the cops and reporting suspicious activity.

The first time the cops showed up they were prepared for a criminal (hands on guns, flashlights in my eyes). But by the 4th time they just BSed with me and finally told the couple to stop calling the police.

I’m not sure what made the couple think burglars would bring stuff into the house instead of taking it out.

#50

So this semester in class a student had lost the lock for his bike, so he brought it into the classroom and set it against the back wall. This was against the rules because in a 200 person lecture hall 100 bikes would crowd the room. However this was a spacious classroom with 20 students. The professor said that he did not mind the bike being there.

Well, the professor next door did mind. He saw this guy bringing his bike inside and told him it was against the rules. The student said ok and walked past. Next week professor sees the bike again and says “if you bring that bike in here again I’m calling the police.” The student laughs it off and walks past. Next week during class there was a knock on the classroom door. Four police officers had shown up. One had her hand covering her face in embarrassment and said “we received a call that said there was a bike in here which is against the rules making this trespassing. The bike needs to leave or else we HAVE to arrest you.” The student said he doesn’t have a lock and it will get stolen. Professor knocks some sense into this kid and tells him to go home then it’s not worth getting arrested over one lecture.

In the end no arrests were made I don’t think there was a fine either. Police officers all had a look saying why are we here and looked embarrassed. The professor who called the police probably got the bad end of that deal though. The professor whose class was interrupted has a lot of clout at the university and didn’t take kindly to the whole situation.

#51

I went to a house for suspicious footprints in the snow. The footprints led to the oil tank, so I checked the mailbox with the homeowners and found an oil delivery receipt.

O.o.

#52

I remember hearing about a lady that called the cops because the were McOut McOf McChicken McNuggets.

#53

Not an officer, but I’m a newspaper reporter. Several years ago, I received a police report about a gentleman who reported a stolen bowl of macaroni. I think I still have the report somewhere.

#54

I’m an EMT and was listening to the police channel on the radio one night. We hear, “County to District X Cars, we just had a female caller state that there is a black male, wearing a hoodie, walking down her street.”
Unit on the road, “Uh, OK? What does she want us to do?”
Dispatch, “No idea.”
My partner and I laughed for a good half hour over that one.

#55

Cop here.

Dumbest reason for being called to a scene. Hmm.

– lady called and wanted us to tell her son to go to school.

– one of our stations had a carnival fundraiser and the street was closed. Someone called and complained there was a Ferris wheel obstructing traffic.

– someone called in for “theft from the city”. The suspect was “stealing” recyclables from the trash can.

– gas powered leaf-blower use is illegal. This is possibly the lowest priority on my list of things I don’t care about.

I’m sure there are more but these are what came to mind.

#56

Cop here. We have a guy in town who is paraplegic and confined to a wheelchair. He also has a totally abrasive personality and is an all around awful person. The county pays for a caretaker, but he either fires them or they quit because they won’t cater to his unreasonable demands.

He called 9-1-1 once because his trash cans didn’t get moved to the curb before trash day and he wanted the police to come do it for him. The dispatcher routed me the call. I called in to dispatch and told them that I was absolutely not going out to put this guy’s trash cans out. They ended up sending the fire department out after enough cops mutinied and refused to go.

#57

My dumbest call was a back up request from our fire department. 50 yo 400lb guy had been calling the fire department a few times a day to let his dog out or bring him something like milk or the tv remote. They explained that they were regularly taking care of his dog by letting it out and picking up its poop. The fire department finally got pissed and started calling us to help.

The guy use to be normal and then he got fat and started needing medicine so he wouldn’t hurt. The medicine made him completely idle so he got really fat and completely spaced out.

I was going to arrest him for 911 abuse after I found out that they had 60 calls since the beginning of that year. Didn’t have a big enough car so I took a warrant and let someone else figure it out.

#58

My grandma was recovering from surgery in the hospital once. She had to share the room with this senile woman. I was really young but this woman was so memorable. Whenever she needed something, hungry, bed raised, whatever, she would dial out to 911, like multiple times in an hour. Because “you call 911 for help”. I guess eventually dispatch called the hospital and told the nurses station what was happening and they had to go in there and talk to her about it. Hilarious though.

#59

Not a police officer, but I have a funny story.

So, my Dad likes a drink. One night, he goes around to his mate’s house for a few while I go for a nap.

A few hours pass and I’m woken up by my step-mother’s blood-curdling screams. As you can imagine, the adrenaline began flowing because I had no f*****g idea what was happening.

Turns out there is a madman trying to force himself into the house. The doorbell is constantly ringing and yelling is coming from the front door. He was apparently looking for my father to kick his a*s.

My step-mother, frightened as f**k, is simultaneously trying to comfort my younger siblings and call the police.

If I hadn’t have still been in a bit of a daze from the nap, I would’ve known straight away. Turns out it was my drunk father in a super realistic old man mask trying to prank us.

Anyway, I let him in, call him a f**k head, and step-mum begins roasting the f**k out of him, all while the kids are in hysterics and have lost all trust in their father.

Moments later, three police cars with sirens blaring rush into the house with guns drawn. My step-mother tells them what had happened and they weren’t too impressed, although, one did visibly giggle.

They offered to take my beer drenched father into custody over night, but forgiving step-mum refused. Oh, and apparently all of this triggered an anxiety disorder in my young sister.

Good ole Dad.

#60

My brother was a cop and I was a firefighter at the time. We both got called to the same scene because a lady tried to light a Wendy’s on fire after they got her order wrong. They even offered to refund her meal price when she complained but instead, she lit their trash can on fire.

#61

Retired LEO here.
About once a month we had an old lady call us out to search her attic or back yard because she “could smell people having s*x there”. It became so routine that the SOP was to spend a few minutes shining the flashlight around a looking concerned.

Also had another one who believed her washer and dryer were demon possessed. She really did believe this. She could hear them talk s**t about her. She’d call every few months. SOP was to look behind…inside..and around the dryer looking concerned and trying to reason with the ghost. I finally got fed up with it and yelled at the ghost to “get the f**k out of here and never come back!” Seems to have worked.

Had to help the fire department un-suction an obese lady out of a bathtub. She was literally suctioned in there.

FTO asked me if I had ever seen a “colored TV”. I said “Yeah, of course. I thought he said “color TV”. So, we go to a call at the local “stab-and-jab” motel and a complainant, who was a 6’5″ 130lb black man answered. He was in a blond wig, full drag and wearing lipstick and red pumps. He complained the the men in his room..about 5 of them promised him crack if he let them f**k him. He was mad because he never got his crack. I s**t you not, true story.

Disturbance call with an irate husband. Arrived to see him rapidly walking down the street approaching the sqad car with wife running behind him (in a populated neighborhood) with a big long floppy d***o waving around screaming “is this who you cheated on me with, you w***e!”

A mexican midget (male)…sorry, “little person”, wanted to file r**e charges against a man for raping him in the workplace (Dominos Pizza). Security footage showed that it was consensual. Not dumb, but really weird….and hilarious.

Guy called to report suspicious activity and possible burglary next door. When I arrived he had a joint behind his ear. Normally I wouldn’t care too much, but you gotta at least try, man..I mean, c’mon.

Lady lies and calls to say her husband beat the s**t out of her again. Here’s where the dumb/sad part is:
Now I’d arrested him before for DV a couple of times and he swore up and down he never touched her, but was in the bar down the street. Earlier that day I pissed off my supervisor and was put on foot patrol in the neighborhood. Walking down the street on the sidewalk I saw this lady beating herself in the face with a chair. Literally. I call my supervisor and he gets there and we are both on the street watching this lady go WWE RAW on herself with this chair. We then left and checked the bar and sure enough hubby was in there drinking and minding his business. She calls 15 minutes later saying hubby beat her up again. I arrested her for filing a false report, btw. Poor guy was telling the truth the whole time.

Got so many tales like this it isn’t even funny. Yes, the list goes on, but I think you get the point and it answers OP’s question, I think.

Love, peace, and chicken grease y’all.

#62

Worked as a police officer for five years. Just got out last year, thank god. Anywhosers- it was a friday, third shift. A lady is moving into a house, and shes drunk as s**t. Apparently, she called because she thinks someone stole her cellphone and wallet/purse with cash in it.

Go to the house and realised that its a frequent flyer from the nearby mid sized city. She tells me the make of the phone, and the number. No idea about the cash or the purse. Dispatch comes back with the same number, so she called to report her cellphone stolen was the one she called to report with.

I had dispatch call the phone. It was right on top of the kitchen counter. Just for our record, i asked for her ID. Low and behold, its in her purse. I see a purse looped over the back door in the kitchen and ask her if that is it. She says yes, and that i can grab it and look for her ID in it. I open the bag an theres the biggest, stinkiest ditch weed bob marley joint ive ever seen. At this point im about to laugh my a*s off. Partner and i decide to just flush it and tell her yadda yadda yadda bite out of crime we are watching, and to not use 911 for your c**p.10-8 no report, found lost s**t. Head to breakfast, scrambled eggs n buscuits and gravy.

The next night she ended in lockup because she tried buying weed from a undercover vice in the nearby city. She moved away the next week.

#63

My uncle was a dispatcher in a suburb of Minneapolis/St.Paul, and would tell me stories whenever I saw him. My favorite goes like this:

Uncle: 911, what’s your emergency?

Caller: Yes, I’d like to report two suspicious vehicles passing something back and forth in Potawatomi park.

Uncle: Ok, we’ll send an officer out to assess.

Uncle: Dispatch to car 45, two suspicious vehicles in Potawatomi park, passing items back and forth.

Car 45: Uhhh…car 45 to dispatch, that’s me and Officer Somethingerother, passing Cheetos…

Uncle: 10-4.

#64

Obligatory not a police officer, but my former roommate is. I talked to him a few days ago, he had to respond at 3 in the morning to an elderly lady who lost her cat. After several minutes of questioning, the lady making him tea and offering him cookies, he finally managed to ask her what the cat looked like.

The woman looked him dead in the eye and said “What cat?”.

#65

* Dispatched to domestic violence “My oldest son is assaulting my youngest son.” Arrive onscene parties are 8 and 6. Mother insists “He got to go.” As in the 8 year old had to go to jail for slapping his younger brother. Both brothers went, to Child Protective Services, and a safety plan was put in place to ensure mother was capable of raising them.

* Dispatched to theft. “Someone is stealing my tomatoes off the tomato plant.” Looked in backyard, noticed tops of hastas also missing. Case closed, warrant signed on Bambi, Prince of the Forrest.

* From a few weeks ago on a very busy Saturday evening a guy called in a car blocking the driveway of his house. Parking complaint is a very low priority run and is being held while we attend to car crashes, bar fights, burglar alarms, and the like. Guy keeps calling, keeps being told police are occupied with priority runs. Guy calls back, was robbed at gun point waiting for police. We respond. He doesn’t want a report taken, can’t give description, but while you are here, can you tow this car blocking my driveway. We do. He doesn’t realize business across street has video surveillance. Charged with disrupting public services a week later after video reviewed.

* Several reports of burglaries in progress that turned out to be racoons. At least they dress the part.

* Several burglaries where the burglar put all belongings outside in black plastic bags. These often had several notices of eviction from the Sheriff’s Department. People think by not showing up to eviction hearing they cannot get evicted.

#66

Not me but a buddy of mine responded to a domestic call where a man had assaulted his girlfriend with a pizza. He pulls up, sees said suspect sitting outside, avidly denying this claim. Then he walks in the house to see a woman covered with pizza and small burns. Man was arrested. I believe this was even on the Jay Leno show or a similar late night show.

#67

Had to respond to a fight between two guys that started over a Magic the Gathering game. Since I play I helped resolve the conflict (was something to due with instant speed and being able to respond to the instant with an activated ability). Also, I told them in the future to check online for an answer rather than start physically fighting.

#68

A few days ago, I was stopped by a police officer for walking around while I was on the phone outside of a coffee shop. He seemed almost as confused as I was.

#69

I know the dumbest call I have been subject to: My roommate didn’t like me.

That was it. I wasn’t into what she was, we were just roommates, not friends, but since her dad was the original lease holder she thought she could just have me thrown on the street so one of her party buddies could move in. Sorry b***h, I have rights, and my name is on the g*****n electric bill…

#70

I once had cops called on me as a potential case of domestic abuse.

I was playing Diablo.

#71

When I interned with a local PD in college we got a call from a (able bodied) woman who wanted someone to come help her across a busy street because there was no crosswalk. There was a crosswalk exactly one block up from where she was.

#72

Working in a nice part of town, where there are alot of rich people. Anyways I got dispatched to a call one day:

Dispatch – 2A12 I’ve got a suspicious person detail for you.

Me – Go ahead.

Dispatch – The person is located at a bus stop on the corner of Rich St and Pretentious Ave. He’s wearing a red jacket and black pants.

Me – Copy. What’s suspicious about this person.

Dispatch – He’s black.

A few seconds pass by, because I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

Me – I’m not going. You can clear it off your screens.

#73

A man was approached by a duo in McDonald’s parking lot. The two said “we’re going to show you that you can trust us. Give us your money and we’ll walk around McDonald’s and come back”. He gave them $600. They never came back.

#74

Suspicious Hispanic males in the alley. Complainant (person calling 911) is very nervous and upset, thinks they’re casing the neighborhood to burglarize houses because it’s a nice area.

I get there.

It’s a bucket truck. From the power company. Replacing a transformer. Employees were all uniformed.

They were Mexican, though, she was right about that.

I asked them if someone had been watching them through the blinds (she was), told them why I was there, we all laughed and I went back to work.

People, man.

#75

Former LEO, besides the typical neighbor drama calls where one neighbor would complain about grass clippings or leaves blown onto their property, two come to mind.

1. Respond to a house for report of a stolen car. Meet the caller on their front porch and they begin describing the missing vehicle. I side step and point behind me and say “So it’s just like that one on the street parked in front of your house?” Apparently his mom moved it out of the driveway so she could back her car out. If he had broken eye contact with me he would have seen it over my shoulder as he was describing it. Caller did not appear high just not very smart.

2. A mom called extremely upset because someone left a jar of peanut butter on her front porch. The lid was closed but on the inside someone had drawn a smiley face in the PB with their finger. Her son was allegeric to peanuts and she believed this was a death threat. She demanded I dust for prints and open an attempted homicide case. I did neither of those things.

#76

I got pulled over a year ago for speeding (10mph over the speed limit) and not one, or two, or three, but FOUR cop cars showed up to the “scene”. It was in my super suburban hometown, and I am a 5’1″ female, driving a non tinted window, smaller SUV. I think I can speak for the 3 cops who were called that it was pretty f*****g dumb.

#77

TL;DR: Our landlord called the police over $2 and a few cigarettes.

Backstory, we live in a three family home, and our landlord had agreed to rent the upstairs apartment to a couple moving from out of state without meeting them, after getting a good reference about them from the man who was hiring one of them to work for him. They were white trash. Loud at all hours, severely underweight and filthy dog, smoked in the house (they were told not to do this) and even jimmied the washing machine open to steal quarters (the landlord didn’t collect these, the washing machine was just on our neighbor’s grid, and they were used to reimburse them for the utilities that were used).

We shared a common entryway with these garbage people, and my boyfriend left his jacket out there. In the morning, the last few cigarettes from his pack, and two dollars were missing. He called the landlord to let him know, (at this point our landlord was desperate to get them out, and was trying to build a case) and our landlord called the police. An officer had to come over and take a report. We felt kind of silly.

#78

A citizen was concerned about an albino squirrel in the park (afraid someone would hurt it or mess with it, I suppose). Wanted me to capture it and relocate it someplace safer.