Every couple is different, and each one has the right to choose how they want to balance household responsibilities. As long as both parties are happy with the arrangement, and it works for their family, who are we to judge?
But it’s important for everyone to have an understanding of their partner’s role. Otherwise, they might end up burdening them unnecessarily. One man reached out to Reddit for advice after getting into an argument with his wife about how often he’s allowed to invite guests over. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as some of the replies invested readers left the author.
This man is used to his stay-at-home wife handling all of the cooking and cleaning in their household
Image credits: Drazen Zigic (not the actual photo)
But she finally decided to put her foot down about him inviting guests over all the time
Image credits: Wavebreak Media (not the actual photo)
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection (not the actual photo)
Image credits: EyeEm (not the actual photo)
Later, the author shared some compromises that he attempted to make with his wife
Image credits: AITA_Invites35
Stay-at-home parents typically do $4,500 of unpaid labor a month
While stay-at-home moms may not have a traditional job that comes with a paycheck, health insurance and vacation days, they certainly do a lot of work. In fact, a 2024 study found that stay-at-home parents do approximately $4,500 worth of unpaid labor every single month.
This includes nearly 16 hours of cleaning, 11 hours of shopping, over 19 hours of cooking, 8.6 hours of laundry, nearly 11 hours of transportation, 68 hours of emotional support, over 4 hours of tutoring and nearly 18 hours of planning and administration. And that’s just for parents who have one child. A mom of four might have to spend twice as long each month keeping her household in order.
Just like any other demanding full-time job, this role can lead to burnout. ChoosingTherapy notes that stay-at-home mom burnout often goes unnoticed, because many people don’t realize how much work being a stay-at-home parent is.
Plus, these mothers are often isolated, as they spend many hours at home with their children, rather than in a workplace with other adults. And they may put pressure on themselves to push through the burnout, telling themselves that their job should be easy to manage.
Symptoms of stay-at-home mom burnout can include depression, anxiety, insomnia, self-doubt, mental exhaustion, irritability, mom rage, loneliness, feeling overwhelmed or like everyone is relying on you, and feeling like you have no time for yourself.
As far as what can cause this burnout, ChoosingTherapy notes that financial stress, feeling unappreciated, feeling like you have no one to share the work load with, stigma or self-judgment about one’s role, lack of support, lack of connection, and lack of resources to manage stress can be contributing factors.
It’s extremely important for spouses to provide support for their partner
In this particular situation, the author doesn’t seem to understand how much his wife has on her plate. If he’s never had to prepare food for six people without any advance notice, he doesn’t realize how much effort that takes. But support is extremely important in a marriage, and this man’s wife shouldn’t feel like she has to ask for it.
According to Christiana Njoku, LPC, at Marriage.com, “Emotional support in a relationship is the foundation that keeps couples connected during life’s highs and lows. It’s the ability to show empathy, provide reassurance, and stand as a pillar of strength when your partner needs it most.”
Njoku notes that it’s crucial to be present during difficult times, encourage personal growth in your partner and manage conflicts with care. Your relationship will be doomed if you and your partner aren’t able to provide emotional support.
It builds trust and provides emotional safety. Meanwhile, it prevents any partner from feeling neglected. Providing emotional support is also a great way to avoid unresolved conflicts from festering. It also ensures that both partners feel emotionally connected.
To be a more supportive partner, Njoku recommends truly listening to your spouse without trying to offer quick solutions. Celebrate all of their efforts, no matter how small they may be.
It’s also helpful to be a constant source of encouragement. And make sure that you share the load. Nobody should take the lion’s share of housework or child-rearing responsibilities. These should be a team effort where both partners are involved.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. How would you have reacted if you were in the author’s wife’s shoes? Feel free to weigh in. Then, if you’re looking for another Bored Panda article discussing similar household drama, look no further than right here.