True friends are incredibly rare. These are loyal people who will have your back no matter what. And you can count on them to be completely honest with you. So, it’s devastating and confusing when, without any warning, they cut you out of their life.
Internet user u/Legitimate-Light-131 turned to the Relationship Advice online community for help with a particularly sensitive situation. She shared how her best friend suddenly went no-contact with her. Then, 5 years later, she wanted to reconnect. Scroll down for the full story, including an important update from the author herself.
Drifting apart from your friends can hurt, but what’s even more devastating is when they cut you out of their lives with no warning
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One woman shared how her BFF suddenly went no-contact with her, only to try to reconnect after half a decade of ghosting her
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Image credits: Legitimate-Light-131
Reconnecting with your friends can be awkward, fun, embarrassing, and exciting, all at once
Whether or not you should reconnect with your old friends depends on what your relationships were like before, how you’ve changed as people, and what your wants and needs are right now. There are no easy answers. It’s all very personal!
On the one hand, it’s great to get in touch with people with whom you used to get along. And given that it’s harder to find new friends as you get older, reconnecting with old pals is a good way to (re)expand your social circle.
On the other hand, you might have changed a lot as people, and it’s not a given that you’ll gel and vibe well after so many years apart. Besides, long-distance friendships aside for a moment, there may be some lingering tension between you. You’ll have to either set aside or resolve those frustrations if you want to restart the friendship.
Verywell Mind points out that people can lose touch with other people around the age of 25, as big life changes affect them. They might move away, have hectic work or parenting schedules, etc. All of these things make it harder to stay in touch with your social circle.
That being said, if you miss your friends, it’s easier now than ever to reach out. Text them, give them a call, message them via social media, whatever feels best for you. If you really do care about your former friends, they’ll likely appreciate that you’re still thinking about them… even if reconnecting is awkward.
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There are lots of ways to (re)connect in the modern world. If you feel nervous, you can gradually (re)build your relationship
Clinical psychologist and Yale University professor Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, explained to Verywell Mind that some of the biggest benefits of reconnecting with old friends include:
Reliving happy memories and adventures from your past
Getting in touch with different parts of yourself and who you used to be in the past
Getting new perspectives on your current life, and how it relates to your past
Strengthening your roots and feeling more connected and grounded in your community
Romanoff suggests that if you’re too nervous to make a phone call or initiate a meet-up with your old pals, you could try connecting with them via social media or texting. Then, you can slowly build up the relationship until it starts to feel more natural.
You could also bring up an old memory that you and your friends cherish so that you move past the initial awkwardness.
If you genuinely miss someone, the best thing you can do is to literally tell them this. Reach out!
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Meanwhile, be honest about how you feel. “If you’re genuinely happy to connect with your old friend, make it a point to communicate that to them. Be warm and affectionate with them and let them know how much it means to you. Genuine warmth can help melt away some of the awkwardness that may build up in a relationship.”
In the meantime, actually show that you’re interested in who your old friends are as people now, what they’re interested in, etc. Be empathetic and be an active listener.
On top of that, it might be healthiest if you move past any past conflicts that you had. If they come up in conversation, you can work through them. Otherwise, focus on commonalities, not divisions.
What’s your perspective, dear Pandas? How would you react if your best friend suddenly went no-contact without so much as an explanation? Have you ever reconnected with a long-lost friend? How did that go? We’d like to hear what you think, so if you have a moment, share your opinions and experiences in the comments down below.
The woman shared more context as she interacted with her readers in the comments
Here’s how some internet users reacted when they read about the incredibly sensitive situation
Later, the woman shared an important update about her BFF saga. Here’s how things developed
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Image credits: Legitimate-Light-131