“It’s either me or them!” Have you ever been given an ultimatum like that? Well, some folks out there sure know what I’m talking about. While we often hear about men being the ones to cross the line, let’s not pretend women are incapable of making people’s heads spin.

Recently, one Redditor opened the floor with a loaded question: “Men, has your girlfriend ever demanded you cut off a female friend?” And the responses didn’t disappoint. A mix of heartbreak, confusion and a whole lot of drama made the cut.

More info: Reddit

Read More: 30 Guys Who Turned Their Back On Female Friends After Their GF Demanded It And How It Worked Out

#1

I had a friend who got really interested in me after meeting my now wife, back when my wife was still my gf. She would cross boundaries, try to invite me to things alone without her fiancé and without my gf.

My gf expressed this to me multiple times but I ignored it for a long time. Eventually I saw the forest for the trees and ended the friendship and kept the relationship. The drama did end.

A lot of people saying to end the relationship and keep the friendship. If the friendship is truly that, then yes it may be a control thing for your partner. But if there is more going on, a second look may be required.

More context required and each situation is different.

Image credits: LazerPit

#2

No, the drama never ends. 

First it was exes that I was friendly with. Then it was co-workers and other women in my hobby (adult rec sport, like half the women were gay anyhow). Then it was family members. And it was my possessions, replaced with “our” things (that she demanded in the breakup…)

It’s all about control. They want control and are compelled to try to isolate you to achieve that. 

Set firm boundaries and enforce them and walk away from anyone who won’t agree to them. That’s the only solution. .

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#3

This ultimatum was graciously presented to me twice in my life. You should’ve seen the look on their faces when I picked my friends.

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#4

I entertained her various ultimatums for a while. Even into our brief marriage. The choosing friends thing was our breaking point. A long time female friend of mine was hospitalized and a bunch of other friends and I went to visit her. Ex-wife told me i couldnt go see her. I went anyway because thats what friends do. I even asked ex- wife to come along which she refused. When I got home the ex-wife was furious, accused me of cheating, and slathered on the insults and in her fit of rage she demanded a divorce to which I agreed without hesitation. I believe she was bluffing to try and get her way but at that point I was over it.

Image credits: Moonafish

#5

When the girlfriends weren’t wrong about potential interest I honored it. When they were wrong I did not.

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#6

If there’s no trust, there’s no relationship. If you don’t trust each other enough to be around other people, you’re not building a relationship for the real world. A world with other men and women living in it.

If you think your partner isn’t capable of controlling their sexual urges around other people, maybe a relationship isn’t a good idea. Whether it’s real, or all in your mind doesn’t matter. You’ll never have trust.

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#7

Unless the friend is clearly objectively problematic, then this is an unreasonable request and not one I’d ever entertain.

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#8

It’s a short term win. I guess it depends on how close you are to your friend. Some men die on the hill of “we’re just friends and you can’t control me”. Which is valid in principle, no one should feel controlled.

I’ve done it both ways where I caved in one instance and stood my ground on the second with the same girlfriend/wife.

When she and I were just dating I had a friend she was jealous of and I agreed to stop contacting said friend. My relationship with my gf at the time improved because she was happy I chose her.

Later after we were married and our relationship was on the rocks she went through my phone and saw conversations I was having with a female friend I’ve known for 30 years. She told me to get rid of her and I said no. My marriage was already falling apart and I wasn’t going to alienate another friend.

I guess what I’m trying to say is pick and choose your battles. It’s not worth losing something with potential over a casual acquaintance. But stand firm if it’s a dear friend who has always been there for you.

Image credits: PositionLogical261

#9

Depends on the situation … if I am spending excessive time with my female friend alone then there is clearly something wrong and it’s fair enough to ask. On the other hand if I only see her when out with other people, or at work, then it’s a different matter.

Image credits: Potential-Drama-7455

#10

I think you gotta be honest about how your friend is acting to your girlfriend. If she’s getting all territorial you gotta have a talk with her and stand up for your girl. But if she’s being chill and your girlfriend is just not okay with you being friends with a woman, you’ve gotta really dig into that.

Image credits: tylerjacc

#11

I think most men would simply decline if it is a truly platonic relationship and an unfair request.

If it’s a fair request (it often is), then I’d say there might be other issues than that one girl that’s a problem in the relationship – so simply removing her from the equation won’t really make a difference.

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#12

I dont keep female friends so never had this issue

Word to the wise is that there is a big difference between a friend and a *friend*. Hopefully you have the self-awareness to understand the differences and why under some circumstances, the ultimatum is entirely reasonable and would be the wise choice.

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#13

A lot of clingy or controlling women will try and isolate you from your friends and even family. Keep you exclusively for themselves. If anyone makes ultimatums, it’s going to be for personal self interest…. not yours.

It’s not even female friends, but friends in general. Its not uncommon for gf’s to not like someone’s friends and want you both to hang out with their friends almost exclusively. I’ve seen this quite a lot, sometimes people drift away and disappear from your life. Others that embrace everyone end up being happy and constructive.

Image credits: Antmax

#14

Straight up dude, if they’re asking that, it’s genuinely because your female friend is a pick me girl, or because she’s controlling.

I definitely block all ex girlfriends on social media when getting in a new relationship to respect my new woman, and if necessary, have demonstrable evidence that I’m prioritizing her and not going behind her back.

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#15

Nope, it doesn’t end. They just move on to the next area of your life they want to control. It’s a red flag, get away from anyone who issues an ultimatum like that.

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#16

There will always be something when it comes to women in a relationship. Unless the friends are toxic to you never give in when the woman makes this demand. She can kick rocks.

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