For many people, it’s important that their significant other gets along with their family. But when that doesn’t happen, it can be painful and devastating, as they find themselves stuck between the people they love the most. They might even experience guilt or obsess over what might have gone wrong to put the partner in a bad light.
This woman also wondered what might have happened with her husband and sister, as the sibling, out of the blue, demanded to draw a boundary between them and never speak to him again. She tried to understand her sister’s sudden hatred for her spouse, but she refused to talk about it and asked to respect her decision.
It can be heartbreaking when family doesn’t get along with your significant other
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This woman tried to understand why it was the case with her sister and husband, but her sibling refused to tell her
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It’s not uncommon that partners and family members don’t like each other
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Unfortunately, a scenario where family members don’t like our partners and vice versa isn’t uncommon, says clinical psychologist Dr. Carla Manly. “Family members sometimes don’t find our partners likable, and sometimes our partners simply don’t like some or all of the people in our family of origin.”
Learning this can be devastating, as having family support in our relationships is important. “When a partner or family members don’t like each other, the relationship can suffer in the long run due to the grating, sandpaper-like nature of the friction,” Manly says.
But while having family support our relationships is important, it’s not necessarily essential, says Susan Winter, a NYC relationship expert and love coach. “It certainly helps when they accept your mate, but as an adult you’ve got greater freedom to live the life you see fit—with whom you see fit—in the way you see fit.”
“Family members are not obliged to like your partner, and your partner isn’t obliged to like your family either,” senior therapist Sally Baker agreed. She notes that expecting everyone to like each other isn’t realistic, as family relationships are nuanced and complex. Besides, life without conflict isn’t really possible.
It’s possible that partners and family who dislike each other act politely and respectfully with each other
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If it happens that your family doesn’t see eye to eye with your significant other, it doesn’t automatically mean that your romantic relationship is doomed. It all depends on how close one is to their family. “If being with family and valuing family is at the top of your list, then it’s going to have a greater impact than if you aren’t that close,” says Diana Dorell, intuitive dating coach.
In any case, it’s possible to achieve the point where both parties are polite and respectful with each other. Accomplishing this comes down to the level of dislike the partner and family mutually feel.
“When partners focus on being loving and team-oriented, feelings of dislike tend to feel less abrasive. However, if you see your family frequently and strong aversion is obvious, it’s important to address the underlying issues to prevent harming the relationship with your partner and the relationship with your family,” says Manly.
Manly advises starting by openly and honestly talking with each party about what they dislike about one another. If they bring up valid concerns, it’s worth addressing how they may be wrong about them. In case they’re being highly critical and judgmental for no apparent reason, it’s appropriate to ask them to act with kindness and respect, Manly says.
What’s important to mention is that family dislike for a significant other can also come from a place of concern. “If your partner is behaving in ways that you know are damaging to you then it is quite likely your family will want to point this behaviour out to you, even if you’re trying your best to ignore it yourself,” says relationship expert Sarah Louise Ryan.
“Ask yourself: do they have real grounds not to like this person? Are they concerned about your wellbeing? But in the end, only you know if you are judging your partner accurately or are delusional,” she concludes.
Readers had many speculations of what could’ve happened between the spouse and sibling
Some commenters were on the couple’s side
While some thought the couple was in the wrong
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After sharing the story, the woman came back with an update:
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Commenters hoped that the woman could salvage her relationship with the rest of the family
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Later, she shared another update:
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