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So, I met my wife in March of 2023. Things were going great, so we decided to take everything a step further. In November of 2023, we moved in together, added our finances together, and made both of our families one.
Everything has been pretty good. But I’ve started resenting her lately because I notice that all the things I do for her—she WILL NOT do for me
Image credits: anait (not the actual photo)
For instance, when my dad broke his leg and needed some money for groceries (I have 2 other siblings, single), she told me not to help. Yet, when her mom needed money due to not having a job (she has three children, including him), she gave her money.
Another instance: I recently fell ill and was taken to the hospital. Upon my arrival home, where I thought she’d take care of me, she instead acted as if I was bothering “her” time. She didn’t let me sleep, nor was she courteous of the fact that I was trying to sleep. She was yelling at the kids about chores, slamming dishes, and watching her shows on FULL-BLAST volume as I was trying to rest.
Meanwhile, she was “sick” this past weekend and demanded I take care of her
Image credits: Shane (not the actual photo)
I tried watching TV beside her quietly since she wanted my warmth—she said to turn it off and go to sleep with her.
When I told her I was sorry and that I’d go downstairs, she stated I did not love her ?!?
Whenever I want to buy something for myself or the kids, it’s always a NO
Image credits: charlesdeluvio (not the actual photo)
Yet, when she feels depressed or stressed from work, she goes out and spends hundreds on whatever she likes. She even spent $800 on something just for her! But when I spent $40 to buy myself an outfit for a meeting, she was livid!!
She demanded I take it back.
Lastly, anytime she calls and asks me to get something on my way home from work, I have to drive another 20 minutes out to get it.
Yet, when I ask something similar of her, she absolutely will not.
And if it’s her day off—forget it. She won’t move a muscle if it’s not for something she wants or wants to do. Yet, all my days off are never spent at home. I’m either running errands for the kids, myself, or her. I’m exhausted.
I’m starting to feel as though I am alone in this relationship
Image credits: christopher lemercier (not the actual photo)
I would go to the ends of the earth for this woman and she wouldn’t even step outside for me.
And before you ask if I’ve communicated all this to her, I have. Plenty of times. She always makes me feel as though I’m ungrateful for her, or as if I’m living in another universe where only I do for her.
But when I point certain things out to her, she tells me to let it go and that it’s just me showing that I love her and that shouldn’t be a bad thing.
Other times, she simply tells me that I am being a nag, crying over spilt milk, and that I just want to argue
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev (not the actual photo)
I have this anger in me just building up. And I don’t want to hate her because I do love her, but I’m getting tired of the selfishness and the constant dismissive attitude she gives me about how I feel.
What do I even do at this point? Our kids are happy here together, but I’m finding that I am less and less happy to be around her. And I am diving into my work to escape being around her. This is not what I envisioned for us.
Expert’s Advice
It sounds like you’re carrying a heavy imbalance in your relationship. Short advice: set clear boundaries, communicate your needs calmly, and observe her willingness to meet you halfway. If patterns don’t change, prioritize your well-being and consider seeking couples counseling or individual support—love shouldn’t feel one-sided or exhausting.
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