When marrying the second time, partners bring a lot more maturity, experience, and lessons learned into the relationship than the first time around. It might seem like this would increase their chances of a happy union, but unfortunately, that is rarely the case. Many couples who remarry end up going their separate ways for one reason or another.
For these spouses, it was the wife’s daughter’s stealing problem. It got to a point where the husband started worrying about his own biological kids, so he took them and left despite the wife trying to guilt-trip him into staying.
The majority of second marriages fail
Image credits: nd3000 / envato (not the actual photo)
This couple was no exception, as they broke up due to severe parenting challenges they couldn’t solve
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ludleumi
60% of second marriages end in divorce
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)
Stepfamilies like the one in this story are very commonplace nowadays. In the US alone, there are over 10.5 million children who are a part of blended families. Unfortunately, a lot of them are unsuccessful, as second marriages involving children are more likely to break up.
Statistics show that 60% of second marriages end in divorce, compared to first marriages with a divorce rate of 40-50%. The numbers for third marriages are even more bleak, with it jumping to 73%.
“I think people have an idea that it’ll be different, but I don’t think we realize all of the little things to it,” says Megan Vandersluys, a registered clinical counsellor. “We’re not prepared for how intense it can get.”
Indeed, stepfamilies face a lot of challenges, from frequent parenting disputes and bonding issues to sibling rivalry and tensions with ex-partners. Spouses experiencing ongoing issues can burn out and start wondering if they can make their blended family work. On average, it takes 7 years for a stepfamily to blend, but many don’t last that long and end up breaking up because they weren’t equipped to handle challenges thrown at them.
“Rarely do couples sit down and talk about what their parenting styles are before starting or blending a family,” says Dyan Eybergen, a registered nurse and certified parent coach. “Not being on the same page about how to parent a child is the crux of so many challenges.”
Some families just aren’t meant to be blended
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There are definitely tools that stepfamilies can use to work through their struggles. However, some families just aren’t meant to be blended. Unfortunately, knowing when to walk away from a stepfamily dynamic that just isn’t working, no matter what the members do, can be difficult.
Luckily, some signs can confirm that calling quits might be the right decision when spouses start feeling something is wrong in the blended family. Licensed marriage and family therapist Gabrielle Applebury recommends against ignoring these signs:
A partner is exhibiting jealousy when kids are given priority.
Spouses aren’t working as a team to solve family issues.
A spouse is being physically or emotionally abusive towards family members.
Communication between spouses has completely broken down.
Lack of support between partners.
Partners face co-parenting issues they can’t solve.
Leaving a marriage that starts exhibiting these signs can be very painful, especially when there are children involved. However, it’s important to make that decision if the family dynamic starts becoming damaging and no positive change is possible despite all attempts. Leaving doesn’t always mean giving up. It can protect everyone’s well-being, which is the most important of all.
“It’s important to listen to your gut instinct and seek outside support if you are struggling with this decision,” reaffirms Applebury.