We should always be able to count on our parents to be our biggest supporters. Even if you don’t see eye-to-eye on politics, how to raise your children or which artist deserves to win Album of the Year, at the end of the day, you should be able to show one another love and compassion.
But unfortunately for one woman, her mother has decided that they have conflicting interests. And she’s not afraid to ruin her relationship with her daughter to get what she wants. Below, you’ll find a story that was posted on Reddit breaking down exactly why this woman has decided to go no-contact with her mom. Keep reading to find all of the details, as well as a conversation with the mother who shared this post.
Becoming estranged from a parent can be extremely painful
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But when this woman realized how toxic her relationship with her mother was, she decided that she had no choice but to cease contact
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Image credits: Viperbunny
“Even if they never did anything to hurt me again, I couldn’t trust them with how they hurt me in the past”
To find out more about this situation, we got in touch with the mom who shared this post, Reddit user Viperbunny. She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss how her relationship with her mother has been since all of this transpired.
“It’s been a long and interesting journey. To start, no, my mom never called CPS,” the author revealed. “It wasn’t the only threat she ended up making. She and my dad also threatened to sue for Grandparents’ Rights, but they never did that either. If I had to guess why, it would have hurt them to lose in court to me. They didn’t have a winnable case, and if they had brought me to court, I would have shared lots of information I am sure they didn’t want public.”
Viperbunny also noted that her mother did a few things that scared and frustrated her. “The first year we were no-contact, she and my dad came up and went to the police station. It was a week before Christmas, and they asked the police to come to our door and invite us to the police station, so my parents could exchange presents with my children,” the mom shared. “I told them, ‘No, my parents are ab*sive, and we have a file at their station documenting the harassment.’ The police told us to lock the door and call if my parents showed up.”
About three years into being no-contact, Viperbunny says her mom called the police for a wellness check. “She claimed she hadn’t heard from me in a while and was worried. I again had to explain to the police that they were being used to harass me,” the author continued.
Unfortunately, the OP says she was terrified for a long time. “I was afraid if I wasn’t perfect, CPS would show up, and I would have to prove that I was fit. I drove myself near crazy cleaning and organizing and doing all I could to show that it was a false report.”
“I did consult a lawyer, but he told me that, while my parents wouldn’t be able to force a place in my kids’ lives, I would never get a restraining order against them,” the author says. “A judge would see desperate people who miss their grandkids. It was very frustrating. For a few years, I was afraid to leave the house because I didn’t know if my parents would show up and try something.”
We were also curious about whether or not Viperbunny’s mom ever apologized. “Not sincerely,” she told Bored Panda. “Any message that is meant as an apology, she says she doesn’t understand what she did and that I need to stop holding a grudge. She isn’t capable of doing better.”
The OP also shared that, when these threats started, she got back into therapy. “I eventually decided, with the help from my therapist, that I wasn’t going to ever have my parents back in my life. That was an incredibly sad and awful decision to have to make, but it was necessary. I was able to explore how I grew up and realize how [mistreated] I was. I was the family scapegoat. I realized that, even if they never did anything to hurt me again, I couldn’t trust them with how they hurt me in the past.”
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“It’s not selfish to protect yourself”
Viperbunny says this decision was very difficult, and it made her feel incredibly guilty all the time. “I felt guilty that my kids wouldn’t have my family. They all sided with my parents. I felt like an awful daughter. I was worried about being a bad mother,” she noted.
But she stuck with therapy. “I learned how to reprogram my brain. I had to gain confidence in myself, something I had never been allowed to do. I went from being told I was ‘too nervous’ to drive, to being someone who drives my kids all around,” she shared. “I have a community of friends who are like family. It took time, but I eventually started really living me life in a way I never had.”
Even today though, the author says she receives messages from her mom through her husband. “He didn’t change his number, so she sends stuff to him. She does everything from beg to threaten, but we never reply back. Given that she has not sought therapy for herself, and the crazy things I hear about them, she hasn’t changed and, therefore, is never going to be safe to be around.”
Next, we asked the author what she thought of the replies to her post. “It helped to know I wasn’t the first or only person to have this problem,” she noted. “It allowed me to know I wasn’t being crazy, mean or spiteful when I cut contact. It was healing and validating to know that others had been there and that I could survive that.”
“It was also important to document everything that was happening, so I had proof of everything my parents were doing, not just for the police, but for myself,” Viperbunny continued. “It showed that they were the ones acting aggressively and that I was right to stay away. I also got cameras for my doors, and that helped a lot.”
Finally, the author added that going no-contact doesn’t mean that a person stops caring. “I do care. I miss having a family. The only thing worse than not having my family in my life would be to have my family in my life,” she shared.
“There is healing after ab*se. It’s not easy, and it’s not linear. It takes time! It took me years to process and heal, but I am living a much better life,” Viperbunny told Bored Panda. “I do feel bad when I hear my family is struggling. I do laugh sometimes because, the situation they are in, I don’t think soap opera writers could have written.”
The mom also says she forgives her parents in the sense that she knows they aren’t capable of doing better. “I couldn’t get them to change when I was in their lives, and they haven’t changed since I left. I couldn’t fix a problem that I wasn’t responsible for creating in the first place,” she shared. “Boundaries are an important part of healthy relationships, and if the people in your life don’t respect boundaries, it is a huge red flag.”
“It’s not selfish to protect yourself. And if you have kids, they deserve to be protected,” Viperbunny added. “My kids are healthy, happy and thriving. It is so sad I can’t share them with my family because they are incredible. I chose being their mom over everything else, and it saved me. My world is better just because they exist. It wasn’t their job, but loving them made me a stronger, better person.”
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Then, if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing similar issues, look no further than right here.
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