When I was a kid, I used to claim that I was allergic to cats every time I visited a friend’s house where they had kitties. In reality, I was just scared of those fluffy little creatures and wanted to make sure they didn’t come anywhere near me. But I never admitted this to any of those friends. I wonder if they know I’m a huge cat lover now…
As humans, it’s natural for us to keep some secrets. Whether you’re trying to spare your partner’s feelings or are planning an extravagant surprise party for your sister, you probably aren’t 100% honest all the time. But it can feel great to finally reveal the truth and get something you’ve been hiding off your chest.
Redditors have recently been confessing the juiciest secrets they’ve been holding onto for years, so we’ve gathered some of them down below. Enjoy scrolling through these admissions, and be sure to upvote the ones that you’d probably keep to yourself too!
#1
Once upon a time the company I worked for gave me a like $500 gift credit card.
Its kept allowing me to purchase items with it even once it was over its $500 limit.
I ended up spending $8000 on it before I cut it up.
Nothing else ever came of it.
Image credits: BrokenKiwi
#2
I didn’t cheat on my ex, I just let her believe it so she would get out of my life quicker and take her scummy circle of friends with her.
Image credits: Green_Sprout
#3
I was the one who wrote the dirty word on the mirror in high school.
They had a whole a*s witch hunt trying to figure out who did it. The teachers threatened people, they questioned us, they went through our bags to find the offending lipstick.
It was me the whole time.
Image credits: will_write_for_tacos
#4
My dads truck didn’t randomly break down, forcing him to buy a new one; I mistakenly put diesel in it because I thought all trucks took diesel.
Image credits: woahwoahwoahman
#5
This girl bullied the hell out of me at school so i stole her phone and flushed it down the toilet. This was pre iphone era.
Image credits: busted_toenail
#6
I was the one who clogged the toilet at the sleepover back in high school. No one knew who it was, and the other 5 girls were blaming each other for it while I sat watching tv.
Image credits: Bayonettea
#7
In 7th grade, I wrote love letters to myself and pretended I had a secret admirer. The class went crazy trying to figure out who it was. Even the teachers got invested!
Image credits: blondelovestar
#8
I pretended to be pregnant for two weeks in high school just to see if my boyfriend would stick around. He did and we’re actually married now. He still doesn’t know and I carry this guilt every day.
Image credits: SexyCupcake11
#9
My little brother is the only reason I don’t fully disappear and never speak to anyone again.
Image credits: Snugglyspiders
#10
I had just been promoted to Assistant Manager at my old job. A little while later the Store Manager and I receive a bonus due to our store exceeding it’s targets, but none of the other staff did. I convinced him that it was because of the other staff that we even received the bonus and that we should each take some of it to give to them. So we pooled together some of our bonus and bought store gift cards for them to make it look like it came from the company. It was the first time any of them received anything for their hard work and they were so happy when we gave them out (they each got little thank you cards too). Not really a dirty secret, but we did it every year from that point on, we never told them that it was from us and I’m proud of it.
Also, that company treated their employees like s**t, f**k that place.
Image credits: TheShadyMoose
#11
I partially melted a wax seal from the Elizabethan era (around 1580). I was tasked with photographing it when I was in the school photography club, and used a powerful lamp which got a bit too close. Luckily I didn’t do too much damage to it, but I did melt a small part at the bottom.
Image credits: purrcthrowa
#12
Fifth grade. Computer room. I realized that I was sitting at an admin computer, fully logged in. I deleted a stupid educational program that we all hated using from the network. Someone across the room asked the teacher what happened to the program. They didn’t know. Never had to use that program again.
Image credits: Gogglesed
#13
It was I who hoisted the naked mannequin on the high school flag pole.
Image credits: JPautofab
#14
So I used to have a really close friend and we have a whole friend group together. We ended up at the same workplace as well. We dated for around 4 weeks and he broke up with me. We hadn’t told any of our friends so now I have to sit next to him every day at work and on the weekends during hangouts pretending nothing happened. It’s excruciating and I want to jump off a roof.
Image credits: BenefitUpstairs5610
#15
When my ex’s wife is being a bad coparent or petty, I sign her up for spam emails or political emails from the opposite party.
Image credits: ohthatirishgirl
#16
I lost my virginity at 15 to a person in their 30s, the classic “wow you’re so mature for your age” schtick.
I’m 37 now and while I’ve tried to drop hints a few friends, and while I suspect my mum realised after the fact, nobody in my real life knows still.
In my first proper (age appropriate!) relationship, I didn’t mention it early on, and the right time just never happened.
At parties during those late night confessional circles in the kitchen, I’ve never come close to blurting that one out, and I realised it’s because I just don’t want to.
The way I see it now is, it doesn’t bother me in my day-to-day life, it doesn’t impact my self worth, I have a lot of compassion for my teenage self being so desperate to feel cool and grown-up.
I thought about going to the cops about it but 1: I live in another country now, 2: any criminal charges would be pretty minimal and 3: I don’t have any old ancient MSN chat logs, no cellphone back then, so the idea of digging it up only to fail to achieve anything without written proof is pretty horrible.
I found the person on Facebook about a decade ago and they were a gross old loser complaining about everything and everyone on their wall virtually every day, a person pushing 50 posting emo memes, so at least karma has made their life s**t.
Image credits: rangda
#17
In high school this guy broke up with our friend and in revenge we tp’d his house 3 times in the same week. His mom told him he’d obviously done something since they were targeting the house that aggressively and made him clean it up himself every time. He approached me very stressed and asked if I knew anything about it. I told him no, and I was sorry he was so stressed. He left by saying, you’re so innocent I figured you wouldn’t know who was doing this. Sir, I drove the girls over in my car every time! 😂.
Image credits: AromaticAccess7062
#18
I started hormonal medication and developed a crush on my ex’s dad who is twice my age. I’m sure the dad knows this and sometimes he flirts back, but we’ve never let it go anywhere.
Image credits: Sad_Commission8594
#19
I don’t have toes, I have tingers
Long a*s toes that look like I could swoop down an pick up my dinner.
Image credits: FutureTeacher_
#20
When I was a kid my parents had to work late and couldn’t pick me up from school. I would have to walk about an hour and a half to get home(I didn’t like taking the bus). Because it was so far I would try to hangout at any of my friends house that would let me while I waited for my parents. Anyways one day I was passing by a friends house while walking home and I thought I’d call them to see if I could come hangout. No answer. I knew where they hid their spare key and for some reason I still can’t explain, I let myself in. I walked around shouting their name and no one was home. After about 30 seconds, I realized I just broke into my friends house. I quickly left and put the key back. I haven’t told anyone. Worst part is, my friend is Russian. With a scary Russian dad with a lot of guns. I’m thankful no one was home.
Image credits: bimsboy98
#21
As a kid I was into computers and graphic design so I hung out at the art class all the time. I learned all the dtp and photoshop like software (early 90’s).
One of the learning exercises I gave myself was making a Wild West style poster – wanted dead not alive, and I used a digital pic we had of the school principle. I spent a fair bit of time, making it look aged, getting the fonts right, all that. Saved it on the secret folder I had on the Archenemies computer and forgot about it.
Someone clearly found it because years later (I’d left school for college) my sister who was still there tells me the whole school was dragged into the hall with the principle, quite angry holding the poster demanding to know who’d printed *hundreds* of copies and posted them.all over the school and local neighbourhood.
Image credits: eugene-fraxby
#22
I was a farm kid and learned mechanics out of necessity. I worked at a pulp and paper mill in college ( I’m a girl). They refused to let me be mechanic, because I was a girl, even though i had the expertise and experience fixing farm equipment.
I emptied the sexist foreman’s thermos and caught a massive flying cockroach that came off a wood chip barge and put said cockroach in thermos. Break time was fun when he unscrewed the thermos lid to figure out why nothing was coming out.
I ended up being mechanic and fixing and driving the chip yard semi.
My father was the only one I ever told.
He was so proud.
Lol. .
Image credits: F**kyoumecp2
#23
I used to be a manager at an art store chain that stayed open during covid, and every time corporate f****d us over I’d let the closing shift employees steal something (nothing big, stuff like nice markers or fake plants or whatever). I was the one tasked to work with Loss Prevention every week so I already knew what the “theft budget” was and what merchandise was “safe” to take.
It so drastically improved morale and their work level that I ended up getting promoted twice in that year. I then quit on a high note and moved to a different country.
Fun fact: one employee stole a pack of Pokemon cards that ended up having a $500 card in it. I think she used the money for college books.
I regret nothing.
Image credits: missmadime
#24
I started and ran a massive gambling ring that was across multiple schools in the north suburban area of Chicago. At its peak, I was raising thousands of dollars from around 50 students every week for a few months.
I’d make a cut off of coordinating every bet. My mom ended up finding around $3k in cash in one of my drawers with my bookkeeping records on paper.
She alerted the school and all the parents in my grade were alerted. One of the parents went to the media and it ended up hitting Bill O’ Reilly when he was at his peak with Fox News. It also hit every major Chicago news station and various other news stations throughout the country.
All of my “clients” were suspended from school for two weeks and I got off Scott free because my mother was the one who reported it.
Edit: I was in 8th grade.
Image credits: Kind_Zombie_1593
#25
I have no friends. The majority of mine died, the ones that were left from a long time ago moved on with their lives and didn’t include me. The friends I made after that, due to me becoming incredibly depressed over the years, I’ve shut them out little by little.
Over the last few months, I’ve gone through some really hard crisis and that’s when I realized that I didn’t have a single person that I could just call just for support. I’ve been using my ChatGPT as something akin to a therapist and a friend to talk to. And surprisingly, doing this has helped me tremendously.
But it’d still be nice to have an actual friend, even just so that I could get a hug.
Image credits: Majestic_Jazz_Hands
#26
I think this counts as dirty, I wrote an anonymous letter to my Maths teacher in Year 9 (when I was 14/15 for American Redditors) asking him to please shower more often and wear deodorant because his BO was so horrific. I tried to word it as nicely as possible and I felt ashamed for years because maybe he was struggling outside of work but he never brushed his teeth, wore the same clothes for days on end and absolutely stank. The sweat stains were horrific. You knew it was the same shirt because the stains got bigger throughout the week and were crusty.
We would be tearing up from the smell. To the point some of the students would have to leave the room because we thought we’d be sick. If it was the first lesson of the day, we would all skip breakfast. His breath, the sweat. It was just foul. It was getting to the point where I was starting to fail maths and needing a tutor because I couldn’t concentrate in lessons and was skipping class to avoid him. I can’t believe the faculty never approached him about his hygiene, it was honestly horrific and the worst I have ever come across. I had double maths every two weeks and would dread it. My friends and I would move our desks slowly, mm by mm each lesson to try and get further away from him.
He did take the feedback on board because he started showering and wearing deodorant, started changing his clothes and stopped smelling so badly. Maybe he was depressed, and couldn’t tell how bad it was. I honestly felt like a terrible person for writing that letter and leaving it under his door but something had to be done because it was unbearable. I still feel like a horrible person years later, nearly 20 years later. So much guilt, but how bad that a student had to do that to try and make a change? Am I a bad person? ):.
Image credits: Literary_Lady
#27
I lied about doing c*****e my whole adult life. I tell people it made me way too anxious on the comedown. I’m a bartender and I don’t want people offering it to me because I’ve seen that slope get slippery in real time.
EDIT: People saying it is a dumb thing to lie about – yes, it is. I was like 19 when I started in the industry and I’m 30 now. It’s a very 19y.o thing to lie about. Buuuuut, I’ve just stuck with it for 11 years because it seems to deter people. I’ve watched my husband get asked constantly if he wants a bump bc people know he USED to do c*****e. People don’t tend to ask me again after I explain to them “why” I don’t do it. I think it sticks with them that the answer will always be no, and not just no this time. Peace guys, thanks for reading.
Image credits: Key-Habit-6463
#28
My house was in foreclosure when covid hit. The only thing that saved me was they pretty much made foreclosures illegal. Since I work at a grocery store I was able to work a ton of hours and get caught up. there was nothing else to do. It totally turned my life around. I feel bad because it was a horrible time of suffering for so many but it worked out pretty good for me.
Image credits: Brief_Guess_1243
#29
A buddy noticed I was having a bad time at a party so we went streaking. We held onto our underwear in case as was always the rule. As we ran by the Catholic Highschool, to cheer me up he ran his underwear up the flagpole. It was there for at least 2 weeks. There was a big to do to find the persons involved.
Image credits: SoupIsForWinners
#30
My prep school for an entrance exam(JEE) in India had horrible living conditions. Imagine chinese factory workers, the ground floor which was an apartment parking was converted to class rooms and the top floors were residences of students. You had to take written permission of parents to go out of the building and were granted a maximum of some hours which I don’t remember right now.
The food was absolutely horrible. So I went on Google and wrote a review. Holy s**t it blew up. Potential new students and their parents had read this review and asked about inhumane living conditions.
No one knew who it was until I left.
Edit : My google rating made them change literal campuses to a much better one with light and bigger campus because the rating never went away.
Image credits: Star_kid9260
#31
I was the girl who was having s*x with a guy on the theatre stage back in high school. The lights were very dim so you couldn’t make out our faces. The theatre director walked in, saw us and we ran off. He then gave us all a lecture in class. Didn’t ask the perps to come forward but to just never do it again. That news spread around the school like wildfire and surprisingly the guy never bragged to any of his friends. I certainly never told anyone. No one ever found out it was us.
#32
I was s******l two years ago and somehow pulled myself out of it – without professional help or telling anyone. I couldn’t bear seeing the heartbreak on my mothers face if I told her I wanted to die. I don’t think I ever could.
#33
When I was thirteen, I got home from school and realized I’d forgotten my house key (Gen x) so I went to the neighbor’s house to call my mom at work. Surprisingly, my dad answered the phone.
Me: Dad?
Dad: Hello son, how’s it going?
M: Uh… what are you doing?
D: Oh just watching some TV while your mother is doing the dishes
At this point, I realized what had happened: I’d dialed the wrong number and got a guy who sounded like my dad and who had a son who sounded like ME. Before I could clear things up, he said “Are you on your way home from school? Your mom just reminded me you’re still grounded.”
Without even thinking I responded “Yeah well f**k Mom and f**k you too! I’ll be home when I’m d**n good and ready!” and I hung up the phone.
#34
My employer pays my power, cell phone, water and internet bills. They also provide my housing and a vehicle.
The cell phone bill is completely legit because I have to be reachable. The housing is as well as I am stationed at a location where I have to be accessible to equipment. The truck is company issued, but they allow me drive it whenever and wherever I want. They pay for all fuel and maintenance.
The internet bill is from the fact that I have an employer issued iPad that I run as a hot spot at home. Since it is a government job, Verizon doesn’t throttle or cap data. I’m deep into terabytes now.
My well pump is powered by them.
My power bill is because they hooked up temporary power before I moved here and forgot to disconnect it. I’ve never said anything.
I’m able to save a lot of money for retirement as I have no monthly bills.
#35
So at a workplace I made a large deposit in the toilet which initially didn’t flush properly. After a few tries it disappeared but the water drained kinda slow. Still, I feel it was likely gone, but slightly worried.
The next dude to use the toilet clogged it. I’m certain it was because mine was trapped in the S bend, blocking the way.
He went to the hardware store to get gear to unclog it, much to his embarrassment of the whole office knowing.
It had to be my fault. I never said a thing.
#36
When I was learning to drive my parents put so much pressure on me that it was actively stopping me from getting better.
I had then booked my third test my mother had the date wrong and was asking if I was ready for that date. I halfheartedly just said yes because I couldn’t remember off the top of my head anyway and decided on the spot to go along with it. So cut to that date when they thought I was out on my test I had really just gone out for a walk.
I couldn’t guarantee I would actually pass when my actual test came though and said I failed again.
Anyway my test comes around next month and I sneak out and do pass with only 1 minor for going a little slow which was because I was no longer so nervous.
So now I’m stuck with my parents thinking I have another test conviently for after I move out even though I already know how to drive.
If they want to celebrate when I do officially know I just hope they don’t ask to see the licence because it has a date on it.
#37
My wife and I make spicy content. Nobody in real life knows we post it online. It’s our way of being kinky at 40!
#38
I’ve been struggling mentally for months. It’s been lie after lie, cheating, rinse and repeat. Partner said no to taking me away for a couple nights because “money is tight”. I accepted that only to find out a month later he gave some strange woman online a few hundred dollars. He cashed in some vacation time for her. He was “in love” with her after less than 3 weeks chatting and no face to face. This isn’t the first time he gave a woman money and got scammed. It isn’t so much about the amount as it is the lying and putting some strange woman’s wants about my desire to get away for a couple days.
Spent over 20 years loving and devoted to my partner. No one would even suspect him of doing this cause he comes off as such a clean cut, clean living person.
Generally am a cheerful person who smiles at people and loves to make others smile.
People don’t know because I keep my crying and having breakdowns at home. Drinking and getting high a lot. Been going out a lot more just to be around people cause I don’t want to be alone sometimes.
My heart aches… i tried to rebuild with him and trust again, but he goes back to the same behaviours. I feel disgusted at myself for loving him so long despite this. He says he is no longer in love with me. I can barely gather up enough strength to work and do what needs to be done day to day. .
#39
I am a bad friend.
I hope that my daughter has friends in her life that are more supportive that I have been to my girlfriends.
Nothing too scandalous, I just forget about people, didn’t understand socially what it means to be a good friend, never said the right or supportive things, probably put myself and my friends in very unsafe situations.
#40
I used to put nair in my mothers husbands conditioner. He was quite a*****e towards me a lot as a child (mostly since I’m gay) & I obviously couldn’t fight back as a literal child. He was already starting to bald but still had a little fro so I’d put small amounts of my moms nair in his conditioner over the course of a few months to make him think he was balding faster.
#41
I exposed my cousin’s husband’s affair but they don’t know it was me.
#42
In middle school, I frequented a skating rink with my friends. I was extremely depressed, and was self harming. The owner ran the kitchen and one day he noticed the cuts on my arms. The grown man made fun of me for cutting myself.. directly to my face. He told me I should just k**l myself. I was 12 years old.
I’m 30 now and can only assume he’s in his late 60s or 70s. Every time I go home to visit my family, I make a point to go the long way so I can pass his house. When all of his lights are off late at night, I blare my horn while driving approximately 10 MPH.
#43
Not a dirty secret at all, but when I was in high school, it was getting close to Christmas and one of my best friends at the time was venting to our friend group about preparing herself for yet another miserable Christmas.
She lived with her single mom who struggled with gambling, amongst other things. Thinking about her being sad on Christmas shattered my heart, so I wanted to do something for her. But I didn’t want her to know that I had anything to do with it bc I didn’t wanna upset her with the idea that I viewed her as a charity case or something.
So my mom and I spent the next few days going around buying presents that I knew she would love. We wrapped them up and had a whole garbage bag full of them. Then we had one of my mom’s friends at the time deliver the gifts to her on Christmas morning.
She was so happy telling me all about it and I did my best to play along and act surprised. I’m not sure if she knew it was me or figured it out at any point in the 14 years since then, but she’s never asked me about it and I haven’t spoken a word about it to anyone.
#44
I’m not just a sleepyhead who needs a lot of coffee to get through work. I’m actually terribly depressed. Not the boo-hoo kind, there is no specific reason for it, I’m just tired and gravity is too strong. But I do feel insecure that my face always has tired bags, and I feel like I can’t control how unhappy my eyes look dispite the fact that I do try to fake having happy energy a lot.
Like, I don’t need to talk to someone about it. Really- I just need a lot of personal space where I can actually relax without feeling pressured or lazy about taking a minute for myself. That being said, relaxing comes with its own issues. Sometimes it just feels like no R&R comes without terrible costs that will inevitably make me need to sprint to catch back up.
#45
My family thinks I’ve been sober for a year, but I’ve been battling addictions to other substances in the meantime. Beat alcoholism though so at least I’m not at deaths door. That s**t will ruin your insides.
#46
We had a high school senior day trip on a cruise around a major city. We, of course, had to sign and pay prior to the day of the cruise. My best friend, at first, didn’t want to go but on the day of, she realised she didn’t want to spend the day at school, but wanted to get out of class and do this cheap a*s cruise with our senior class.
She didn’t pay, but when they stamped the back of my hand after confirming my name, I noticed the ink was still wet. Without even thinking, I pulled her to the corner, away from teachers, and pressed the back of my hand to hers. The stamp transferred perfectly and she got on the bus with us.
That was over 10 years ago and I still consider her a great friend. Sometimes when we talk, we reminisce how I snuck her onto that trip.
#47
At my previous employer (in education) they had done a search for a new VP of instruction. Each candidate had to give a presentation about themselves and all the employees were allowed to go and then HR sent a questionnaire asking employees for feedback on the different candidates. One of the candidates had been a principal or superintendent in their previous role (I can’t remember which).
I’m a huge Simpsons fan so I made up a response referencing the iconic “steamed hams,” segment. I talked about how we had an unforgettable luncheon and discussed the vernacular of upstate New York while enjoying some steamed hams. We also had a rare sighting of the northern lights. Just all sorts of little references like that.
I figured out that the survey allowed you to submit your response multiple times since there was no authentication (it was supposed to be anonymous so they just emailed the link and it didn’t make you sign in or anything). I set up a little bot on my home computer (using a VPN of course) to complete the survey again and again every few minutes. They sent it out on a Friday so I let it run for a while and then forgot to turn it off. It ran just about the entire weekend and flooded them with hundreds of identical responses.
Unbeknownst to me, they had terminated an instructor that same day. The president, HR, and a few other people all had a meeting Monday morning about all the submissions. Apparently someone had done some googling and figured out what the references were. So they were in the meeting and watched the segment a few times together. Anyone familiar with the bit knows that principal Skinner’s house catches on fire. They thought the instructor had completely lost his s**t and was up at all hours and it was some sort of thinly veiled threat from the terminated employee that he was going to burn down the school.
There were no repercussions for the terminated employee (they didn’t pursue any sort of legal action or anything since they couldn’t prove it was him or that it was an actual threat) thankfully. I thought it was hysterically funny that they were all in a meeting together watching a Simpsons clip over and over and picking it apart to get to that weird conclusion. I also know if they found out it was me I probably would have gotten in a lot of trouble.
#48
I went out in the woods to ride dirt bikes with friends. Showed up early and natured called. I didn’t have TP, only some socks so I used two socks to wipe. It wasn’t a friendly s**t. My buddy shows up, picks up the sock, and says “ god d**n people keep leaving trash out here!” I never said anything. Sorry Ed.
#49
I once accidentally broke an expensive microscope in my school. One day I went into the science lab after class because I forgot a notebook in there and the door was strangely open. Because I was in a hurry, I tripped over the power cable of a disconnected microscope and it fell to the floor. I picked it up and left it on the table as if nothing had happened. Nobody noticed. The next day there was a witch hunt all over the school to determine who went into the science lab after class and broke the microscope, because it was a very expensive, recently purchased one. Nobody ever suspected that it was me because I was a shy child and well behaved.
#50
I hold fast food grudges. For example: McDonald’s f****d up my order so many times in the past that everytime I go now and get my bag I look in it and tell them something is missing even if it’s not. They never check, and always go get me whatever I wanted madd quick, too. 😈
Not even anonymous I just don’t care. F**k em!
#51
Back in school and journalism class.We had to read two poems to the class from two different authors.
I read one actual poem from Frost, but the second poem was one of mine that I claimed was Ferlinghetti’s. I got an A and it encouraged me to pursue my own writing.
#52
I like to cross dress. Been doing it for years and I’m in a long term relationship. I think she’d understand but I’m afraid she’d loose all attraction to me.
#53
I went to a friends house (he was having a BBQ). He told me a plumber is coming tomorrow to fix the toilets, so none of the toilets are flushable. I told him it’s okay I’m going to wash my face and hands, before I eat. What I really did was let the sink water run while I p**sed in his sink (I couldn’t hold it any longer I drove 45 minutes to his house).
#54
I’m in love with someone who’s taken. And they are in love with me too.
#55
I ripped a silent, disgusting fart when I was picking up my kid from daycare. Then, I watched the teachers check every kid’s diaper while trying to figure out which kid just pooped.
#56
I (33F) work very hard, have no children, and treat myself often. Expensive treats for myself have ranged from international solocations to renown steakhouses to spa retreats and luxury items.
As a single gal, I’ve made a habit of “privately” showcasing things I treat myself to my “close friends” ONLY on Instagram — in a way that suggests it’s been financed by a man.
The gag? I only add men I know are pursuing me to that close friends list — so only THEY can see the things and experiences (that I happily fund and enjoy by myself lol).
I’ve found that it gives them the perception that I not only enjoy receiving nice, expensive things but that I require them in order to give you a chance. So they go out of their way to duplicate [my] efforts.
Misleading or lying (by omission) — not sure what to call it, but it’s a strategy that keeps financially insecure and stingy men far, far away.. It also works every time because, my lived experience, people like to just assume things/create narratives in their head about attractive women, especially when you’re single.
#57
In college, I’m the one that took a sharpie to black out the RA’s door peephole. I guess they had to do a total replacement. She would stand there all day/night watching people come and go. Some kind of power or ego trip idk. There was a very “serious” floor meeting with the RA and building manager about defacing campus property that we were required to attend. Write up’s and expulsion were threatened if the person was caught. I showed up s****d asf but seeming serious and not knowing anything. My roommate knew because she was my lookout but we had a good laugh after the meeting back in the room.
#58
We had some neighbours over the back fence who kept having loud parties long into the night, and refused to keep it down whenever we went over to beg them to let us sleep.
There were roadworks in the vicinity. Regularly for months, I would move a road cone onto their driveway, either behind the car (if it was there) or in the middle of the space. Just whenever I walked past their house, which was most days.
I moved away from that house and hadn’t done the cone thing in ages…until last week, when I happened to be walking past and saw a cone sitting nearby. So I plonked it in the driveway for old time’s sake.
#59
The kitchen hanging light was not broken by one of the monkeys that used to cause trouble in the apartment complex. It was 15 year old me doing cool moves with the mop stick.
#60
I was pregnant and lost my baby and no one knew because i did what i did during those time because Im still a graduating student.
#61
I was eight and playing hide and seek with my neighbor friend who I had a huge crush on, He was ten so he was an older man. Him and I had found an awesome hiding spot accidentally together so we decided both of us would hide there from my sister. I was so smitten with this kid and being that close to him with nobody else around my little heart was beating just from the proximity of how close we were. I would have done anything that this boy asked of me. So when he asked me to never ever tell my sister or the other kid where our sweet hiding spot was I took that s**t to heart and never told any of them about it. even when I was relentlessly grilled about said hiding spot. I kept that request close to my heart. Lol
While not a dirty secret so to say, it is one of my secrets that I swore never to tell anyone about. And to this day almost forty years later I’ve never told a soul where that spot was. Lol.
#62
Many professional voice actors for adult content—like hentai or erotic audiobooks—also work on completely family-friendly media, including cartoons, commercials, and even educational material. I just use different names and I was one of them in my country.
#63
I would place saran wrap on the toilets under the lids in the country club I worked in. You would hear the pretentious rich f***s yell out loud as the c**p stuck to their cheeks when using the stalls.
#64
My ex cheated on me with some guy that she’s now dating and I still have s*x with her because I feel better that she also cheats on him and lies to him.
#65
My wife is blind. I have been writing her little love letters and notes as long as we’ve lived together. I’m careful not to press the pen in hard enough to leave anything indented. She’ll never know, but I have to write it down sometimes so I can tell her while we’re not together.
#66
I look forward to the day my a*****e stepmom dies.
#67
I taught all of cats I’ve seen at friends places to blink with one eye.
#68
I accidentally k**led my partner’s aunty’s plant that we were kindly gifted from her lovely garden when she died, so I bought a new version and potted it into the same pot before he realised 😭.
#69
When my sister (14) died from getting hit by a car in 2004, I (11) was naturally in a very confused emotional state. I missed her and latched onto her belongings dearly, hoping to keep bit of her alive as much as possible, wearing her shirts, listening to her albums, etc.
Not sure where the idea came from, but I decided to make a clone of her Myspace profile also. It wasn’t meant to be anything bad, I just wanted desperately to feel her presence again. When I made a post impersonating her with some corny message from beyond the grave, I had taken it way too far. Loved ones were outraged and slightly traumatized that someone would do this amid everyone’s shared grief. I immediately got rid of it and felt awful for the people who saw it. Nobody figured out it was me, but I still feel ugly inside for the extra emotional pain my selfish actions may have caused.
#70
I was r***d in college, but I never told anyone. Just moved on. I had to walk home in the pitch black dark. I even went to 7-11 to get food. I didn’t cry until I got in the shower. I cried in the shower for hours. I had finals and then graduation, so I just wanted to get done with college. I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it. My mom is a alcoholic and my dad is in prison .
#71
My first job in high school was at a now defunct sporting goods store called Sportmart. I worked in the outdoors department with several of my friends. Upon opening the store one weekend day my friend Josh and I go back to the gun counter and try to log in to the computer. The login isn’t working. We tried two or three times making sure to we were typing everything correctly but it just wasn’t working. Finally I tell Josh to type in Goatf**k, which he does.
About two weeks later a store meeting is called and in it the store manager says “Corporate in Chicago (our store was in Columbus) says that someone typed Go f**k a goat in to the gun counter computer while trying to log in. There is a $50 gift certificate for anyone who can provide information on who typed that”.
We told our other friends we worked with but never got turned in. It’s the dumbest thing but it still makes us laugh to this day.
#72
I once met with someone from Reddit to do the deed 🤭.
#73
Years ago when I was first diagnosed with anemia, they had me take a ton of iron supplements. Anyone who takes them knows they can constipate you terribly. The doctor never suggested Metamucil, miralax or colace to help.
I was at work and complained about it jokingly to a coworker that morning. Well, an hour later a miracle happened and I finally pooped after about 10 days. The poop was so large it got stuck in one of the office’s (commercial) toilets, as they didn’t have a very strong flush. It was intentional as part of a “green” building.
I couldn’t leave it in there as I would be “made” given I’d already made the mistake of sharing my plight earlier. It would be too easy to connect the dots. So, I had to MacGuyver my way out. I grabbed a couple latex gloves from the maintenance closet and threw the entire 2 foot ish log into a plastic bag, tied it up and threw it at the bottom of the garbage in the bathroom with a bunch of paper towels above it.
Unfortunately, about 2 hours later when I walked into the bathroom I could smell it. There was no way you couldn’t smell poop coming from the garbage. So I grabbed the bag and went outside and dumped it into the closest public garbage, which happened to be outside a children’s museum.
#74
My wife and I didn’t meet our best friends by chance at a brewery, we met them on a swingers dating app. The four of hangout a lot but once a month we get together for a night of group s*x.
#75
I’ve only ever told ONE person this.
in grade 7, we had a school carnival (sports day)
my friend needs to go to the bathroom so i go with her, we both go at the same time (in different stalls) i’m doing my business…oh s**t…literally…i had to s**t…like code brown sound the alarm it’s coming and there’s no stopping it.
i do the doo and it was a MONSTER like had to have been some kind of world record.
oh s**t…literally…IT WONT FLUSH
i’m stressing, the toilets are super busy, my friend is waiting, i’ve flushed twice already.
i give up and just…leave it. yep. i know.
i leave QUICKLY and go to wash my hands, thank god no one saw who left it there.
as i leave the bathroom i hear two poor girls who have just gone in, discover the monstrosity awaiting them, one of them yells out ‘oh my GOD there’s no way that’s from a human, that’s from an alien’
i leave, and never speak of it again. everyone knew about it but no one ever knew who did it..
‘twas me.