They say you have to be able to take the hint. But what if it runs contrary to everything you know?
A few days ago, one woman made an anonymous post on the subreddit r/Relationship_Advice, asking people to help her decide how to handle a peculiar situation.
She and her boyfriend had been extensively planning a big vacation, but just one day before the trip, he vanished.
No matter how hard she tried to get in touch, he just wasn’t responding.
The closer the woman’s vacation with her boyfriend got, the more she started to worry
Image credits: LightFieldStudios/Envato (not the actual photo)
He wasn’t returning her calls, nor was he answering the door
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Blake Cheek/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Anonymous
How soon is too soon to go on a romantic trip?
Traveling with your new partner can be a great adventure, but as delightful as the idea seems, it can also turn into a headache.
Delayed flights, questionable accommodations, differing financial expectations… When you’re exploring the world with someone else, the two of you need patience, understanding, and cooperation, which is why a romantic getaway early in a relationship can truly test the strength of your partnership.
Experts say it’s generally a good idea not to rush into a holiday with a new person you’re dating, even if you get pretty excited by that first flush of romance.
“The timing of your first couples holiday very much depends on how much you’ve seen of each other in the first … months,” says communication coach Jenny Holden. “If it’s been pretty consistent (say 2-3 times a week) and you’ve spent a significant amount of time together, the three-month mark is a good time to go on a short break to take your relationship to the next phase.”
Licensed marriage and family therapist Omar Ruiz agrees with this number, adding that it’s also important to inform each other about your biggest triggers. “It’s best to make sure the couple comes up with a plan on how they can best support their partner in the event things don’t go as planned. This will help lessen the risk that this trip becomes the couple’s last.”
This time, however, everything seemed to be ending even before the departure.
After reading the story, people started weighing in on the situation
Being ghosted absolutely sucks
Whatever the reason, “Ghosting carries an echo of … rejection,” says Meredith Gordon Resnick, LCSW. “It’s painful because it activates—and emulates—a previous hurt or betrayal by someone we didn’t just think we could trust but whom we had to trust, often during our formative years.”
However, ghosting is more about the problem the ghoster is having than it is about us.
Ghosting can say a lot about the person. For example, it could mean that they lack the courage to do the right thing by highlighting their unwillingness to continue the relationship.
The person also may have mistreated you and, therefore, did not consider the implications of their actions. It could also signal that they may not care about their actions and are inconsiderate or unreliable.
Or, it could be none of the above. The ghoster may be dealing with a mental health or a medical condition (of their own or a loved one’s) that is making it difficult for them to reach out at the current time.
And that ambiguity is the main problem. According to Resnick, the catch is not necessarily about the betrayal but about not having the ability to fully process and integrate the experience.
The woman released an update the moment she learned what happened to her boyfriend
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Pressmaster/Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Anonymous
What to do if someone you know disappears
The belief that you have to wait 24 hours before filing a missing persons report with police may have come from American television shows, says Alissa Watt, former executive director of the Missed Lives Project.
“Police that I’ve spoken to about that 24-hour misconception often chalk it up to Law and Order or CSI,” Watt explains.
She says you need to know these five things about reporting a missing person:
There is no waiting period. Contact the police as soon as there is “a reasonable concern” for someone’s safety, Watt says. “That’s when the trail is hottest, you have people recognizing the face right away, memories are best for what people were wearing, how they were acting, who they were with. The sooner you can report a person missing, the better.”
You don’t have to be a family member to call the police about someone who is missing. Anyone who knows a person well enough to be concerned about a suspicious break from that person’s regular routine can notify the authorities.
You can call the police in the place where the missing person was from, or where they were last seen. You can report a missing person to your local police service, and they will share the files with the appropriate jurisdiction, Watt notes.
Police use various risk assessment tools. The criteria for what constitutes a person being at risk is different in different regions, but being very young or very old, for example, are generally considered risk factors for missing persons and police often treat their cases with more urgency.
Adults are allowed to willfully go missing. It’s usually a relatively easy task for police to find a person who is “missing on purpose,” so it is not a tax on police resources for you to file a missing persons report if you are concerned, Watt said. “If you’re worried about them, report them missing.”