Managing familial expectations can sometimes feel like an entire part time side job. Relatives can feel entitled to your time, being busy can be perceived as a personal slight, and sometimes people just don’t accept that most folks have a life.
A woman asked the internet if she was wrong to stop visiting her relatives. Since she was the only childless sibling, she was always expected to travel for multiple hours to just spend time around their loud and chaotic children. We reached out to her via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.
Some families really expect people to visit on all major holidays
Image credits: Nicole Michalou / Pexels (not the actual photo)
But one woman was tired of being the one making multi hour trips every year
Image credits: Gabrielle Henderson / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: BĀBI / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Important-Score7105
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Some families just expect certain people to conform to their standards
In many families, there’s an unspoken (or, more annoyingly, frequently spoken) expectation that everyone will make time to visit, whether that means holidays, birthdays, weekend get-togethers, or simply dropping by for Sunday dinner. For generations, this tradition has reinforced bonds, provided support during life’s milestones, and kept family stories alive. Parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, and uncles often look forward to these gatherings as a chance to catch up, share news, and pass on wisdom. When family members show up, it sends a clear message: “You belong.”
Yet in modern life, carving out spare hours can be a real juggling act. Work schedules, long commutes, and the quest for work-life balance leave many scrambling just to cover the basics. That makes it all the more frustrating when family expectations don’t budge. “You’re only five minutes away,” or “You’re not working tomorrow, so why not drop in?” suddenly sound like thinly veiled demands rather than heartfelt invitations. This becomes a lot more complicated when one party doesn’t have to travel at all and the other is expected to spend hours on the road (or in the air).
It often falls on child-free relatives to shoulder the bulk of these visits, and there are a few reasons why. Without young children at home, child-free adults typically have more flexibility in their schedules. They don’t have drop-off and pickup windows, last-minute babysitter hunts, or nap-time constraints dictating their movements. Because their lives are “easier,” they get the extra “little” tasks.
Image credits: Teona Swift / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Not managing these expectations will lead to guilt, resentment and drama
Beyond availability, there’s also a mindset: people without kids can be seen, rightly or wrongly, as having “nothing better to do.” That assumption glosses over the fact that child-free adults have their own careers, social lives, and commitments. But because their obligations aren’t bound to school schedules or daycare pickups, relatives may unconsciously expect them to fill the role of family ambassador. They’re counted on to keep traditions alive, chase down missing cousins, and even ferry presents and home-cooked dishes to less mobile family members.
This dynamic can breed resentment on both sides. Child-free relatives may feel taken for granted, as if their personal freedom is nobody’s business but their own. Yet they’re the ones who are always called upon. Conversely, parents in the family might feel guilty when they “can’t make it” because they’re juggling the demands of childcare. Instead of understanding and empathy, they often face family disappointment or the subtle message that they don’t care enough. In this story, we very clearly see the former case, where the woman feels underappreciated by everyone else in the story.
Breaking out of this cycle begins with honest communication. Families can set more realistic expectations by acknowledging everyone’s obligations, parenting or not, and by sharing the responsibility of hosting and visiting. Rotating get-togethers, planning further in advance, or even scheduling occasional video calls can ease the pressure on any one person. Most importantly, recognizing that time is a precious resource for all adults, and not just those without kids, helps build a culture of mutual respect. It’s important to note that these are hard questions, which is probably why she turned to the internet for advice first.
In the end, family visits are meant to be a source of joy, not guilt. When everyone, parents and child-free alike, feels heard and respected, those Sunday dinners and holiday feasts become celebrations of togetherness rather than battlegrounds of obligation. By balancing traditions with modern realities, families can ensure that everyone actually ends up feeling valued. For those who are curious, she also shared an update later, which can be found below the comments on the initial post.